SCARPETTA, LORD OF THE RINGS

Way back in the old days of penny loafers and high school hops, there lived a character by the Nome de plume of Richard Scarpetta. His classmates called him Scarpetta and other less civil names, with obscene adjectives before his name to express the feelings of those who knew him.

Mr. Scarpetta was a wiry little guy who spoke with a lisp, and in the process contorted his mouth as he managed to say idiotic things. He was once accused of having sex with a chicken, although I don’t believe a chicken would be THAT stupid, and Scarpetta did deny it! The chicken may have been his only date in high school.

One day we were in gym class and it was the week of gymnastics. That was the week when you worked on rope climbing, parallel bars, the horse and the rings. If you remember the rings, you held one in each hand and got a running start to swing with the rings in your hands, and did various tricks like slipping your foot onto your wrist, letting your hand go for a split second as you pushed your foot by, and then grabbed the ring again.
Everyone in gym class had to perform these types of exercise, as did Mr. Scarpetta. Everyone stopped and knelt at the edge of the mat that was laid under the rings so if you fell the fall would be cushioned. Under the scrutiny of his classmates, Mr. Scarpetta approached the rings, grabbed hold and took a running start as he went into his routine. Not for very long. Higher and higher old Scarpetta went, as faster and faster he pushed himself. As he went into his first exercise, the incredible happened, he let go as he ascended toward the ceiling and wall and flew smack up against the wall, with his head leading the way, down he crashed too the very bottom of the base of the wall. Face down in a crumbled heap laid the man. We all rush the wall and turn Mr. Scarpetta over on his back. And there he lay with the biggest bump that could grow that quickly! Knocked out cold, he starts to stir and finally opens his eyes.

“Mr. Del Broccolo and Mr. (I forget who it was), help Mr. Scarpetta to the nurses office right away, says the gym teacher Mr. Hurdle. Guided gingerly to the nurse Miss Wagar, we knock on her door and guide Richard in. Miss Wagar is an older woman, with grey hair that took much abuse through the years from the very students she helped. “What happened?” inquired Miss Wagar. “Richard flew into the wall,” says I. Miss Wagar looks confused so I relate the whole episode to her. She starts to question Scarpetta about why. He says he was tired. She asks if he had breakfast that morning. He says “No.” Miss Wagar then says to Scarpetta, “What would happen if I got into my car in the morning to go to work and there was no gas in the tank?” Scarpetta: “You’d take the bus?” “Go back to class Mr. Scarpetta, you’re fine now.”