I PUT THE “K” IN KWALITY

Now that I’m retired, I decided to give the Little Woman a break and do as much as I can around the house, being as how she works. Besides I don’t need a worn out wife working night and day. Don’t get me wrong, I always helped when I could, and if I saw that a floor needed vacuuming, I would grab the machine and do it. Emptying the dishwasher, filling the dishwasher, throwing out the trash, even mopping a floor once in a while, no problem. Make a bed, I’m your man, just try and get out of it before I make it, please. But now things will be different, I will make it a routine and hope to not screw it up to badly.

One of the things I will have to do is develop my own phraseology and use it as the occasion arises. My Mom had her own, things like: “All that butter, what am I made of butter?” One of my favorites was “Shut those lights off, what do you think, I’m related to the light company?” Or the best was “Wait, just wait till you’re married, then we’ll see who’s cheap!” Of course my phrases will have to be up-to-date, state-of-the-art little nasties that I can fling at will. Maybe something like: “Yo! You paying the bills this month?” Or, “Yo (talking to the same party, you know who) are you going to hire a valet to pick up after you?” I know these are weak, but they are in the developmental stage, and need work. The Little Woman never uses phrases; she just goes along and does what needs to be done. I like the use of phrases because it will lend itself to how I feel at the moment.

My attempts at being Suzy Spotless will not come without a price. I know darn well I screw some things up at first and maybe even second times. You can’t replace a pro with an amateur when it comes to housework. The Little Woman can clean a messed up house in nothing flat, just by her organizational skills while I will plod along at first. I will still keep up the outside, which I like to do because I love the yard, pool and plants. My most useful tool, glad you asked, the phone, with speed dial to her desk.