I GAVE AT BEST BUY

Yes, every salesperson’s dream come true entered Best Buy this past Sunday. TLW (The Little Woman) and I are blood donors, and in exchange we get plasma.

Last week our 61” TV died for the last time. I certainly wasn’t going to give it more money to run, so we decided to buy a new one. We got a new fangled plasma 50” color machine.

Being a semi-literate consumer, I asked the young salesman who intercepted us, scratching his palms as he did, what the difference was between an LCD and a Plasma TV. Little Nicky explained the LCD, and then went on to explain the Plasma setup. It went like this:

Lil’ Nicky: “with a plasma, you get to go to our plasma exchange.”
Me: “What’s that?”
Lil’ Nicky: “You get a plasma TV in exchange for your plasma. You see, you pay and pay until we bleed you dry, and then you can take the plasma from the screen and have it injected into your bloodstream in time to catch one more commercial.”
Me: “Wow!”

Of course, I happened to mention this one model, which happened also to be the most expensive model he had on the floor and asked: “Would you recommend this one?” Lil’ Nicky said (and I’ve heard this before:) “I own one.”
HE owns one, so it MUST be good, yes sir lucky me!

When can you deliver this? I asked. Lil’ Nicky says: “ Now let’s see this is 2006, and with a little luck I can have it scheduled for the 34th Thursday in 2009, which by the way, there are no interest payments until then!” Wow, another lucky break, why do I deserve such good fortune God?

TLW decides we need a table to sit this baby on. We hunt around and tell Lil Nicky that we are looking for a table. His eyes light up to match the holiday spirit and says: “Take your time.” He now explains that we will have to turn the sound up full blast because we don’t have the proper speakers and that the speakers on the TV are really not the best way to have sound. We bite, he smiles, he is developing a rash in his palms as he directs us to a unit that you plug all your stuff, DVD, VCR, Cable, vacuum cleaner and coffee maker into. Now all I have to do is go to cablevision and ask for a HDTV box, or it will look like I need glasses to correct a very bad eyesight problem. Lil’ Nicky ask us to do him a favor, when we hang it on the wall, would we mind getting an electrician so that when the installers deliver the TV, the wires that will go into the wall from the hole they will make is up to code?

As we sign the contract, Lil’ Nicky asks if we would be interested in a universal remote, one that will run all the satellite operations such as the VCR and DVD or garage door. The remote costs only $250 down and ten years to pay for this convenience. We say: “NO THANK YOU”

It’s starting to get dark, and Lil’ Nicky has to get home soon or his Mommy will come for him. As we are walking out the door, one salesman stops Lil’ Nicky and asks him: “Did you play the lottery today?” Lil Nicky says: “Nah, I did better than that, I got the Del Bloggolos today!”