WARNINGS COME FAST

Recently I went to a birthday party for a great nephew Ryan, who is one year old. He looked good for his age, and looked like he had plenty of good years ahead of him.

Being how this was the first time I was meeting him, he was being introduced by his grandfather, my brother-in-law Tom.

“Now this is Uncle Joe: you know what we told you about him!”

Then there was my sister Joanne, talking to little Ryan, giving him instructions while pointing at me: “try not to look at him, he is crazy, always try to look away.”

MR. RYAN DZICEK

Then there was my older sister Tess, (Much older) who just flat out said: “Don’t pay any attention to him.” meaning me.

I get the feeling these people are living in fear!

When we were younger and living under the same roof, my sister Fran was a constant irritant, always telling on my every move I’d make. So I devised my own form of revenge by simply looking at her.

“Ma, he’s looking at me!”

“JOSEPH, STOP LOOKING AT YOUR SISTER.”

Me: “I’m not looking at her.”

“Ma, he’s still looking at me.”

“THEN LOOK BACK, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”

Joanne had her ways with her older brother too. She would just not disappear, instead constantly showing up and having me give her rides somewhere. These rides came from strict orders from on high.

“Mommy said you have to take me to twirling practice.” She would then smack me and I would chase her, until “I got you last!”

“Got ya last”: became a cry of triumph, where she threatened to smack me when I got married, being the last possible day of “Got ya last” you could do. From when I got up that morning until I said: “I do” I was on my guard. As I walked down the aisle after the vows, she tapped me, and I informed her that it was too late, I was married, it didn’t count, leaving her with an unfulfilled life ever since.

Tessie, the older sister (much older), still laments how much she aged in one evening when she snooped in my room in the dark, not knowing I was hiding in it, waiting for her to snoop. As she cautiously tiptoed through the room in the dark, I let out a blood-curdling yell, which left her permanently gray and clutching the ceiling! Ah! The good old days!