SHOPPING IN THE DAYTIME

Retired husbands should not go shopping in the daytime. It gives them a bad attitude and makes them cranky! Being a retired husband who shopped in the daytime, I became cranky and harbored a bad attitude.

Now it doesn’t take much for me to get cranky, and I can develop a bad attitude very easily, just put me in the large store filled with women Christmas shoppers, pushy, bossy women Christmas shoppers. They take up the aisle, they stop to chat, they take forever to make the purchase, chatting with the checkout person, rummaging through their purses and pocketbooks, holding me up. They mess up the displays, taking things apart and then tossing them back on the table or shelf.

The stores are always overheated, the din is unbearable and the lines too long.

Pulling into the parking lot, this crazy lady is flooring it to race me to a space, that I’m already halfway in, and then gives me the horn! I give her the dirtiest look and give her what for. She drives off with a guilty look on her face and refuses to look at me. Now I try to walk up to the store, and another one races toward me, and does not slow up as she hurtles along the lane. I refuse to be intimidated and continue to walk at my pace, she is forced to slow down, and I can feel her wrath as she sees my big smile. I win!

Leaving the parking lot becomes another adventure. Once again they dare you to walk and not run to your destination, where once arriving at my car, they start to line up for the parking space. They are breathing down your neck for the space! Do they leave you any room to back out? Nooooo! The morons are vying for the space and I’m in the middle. Finally I stop half way out of the space, because I can’t maneuver anymore because they are crowding me. Finally one of them gets a hint, while another one shoots by my car off for another space.

Next year I go shopping in July at night, and wear a football helmet, shoulder pads and carry a big stick. Yes, Merry freaking Christmas, and Happy @#$%^% Holidays!