HAVING A BEEF –ON THE ROLL

I have a complaint. Of course I do. The other morning TLW (The Little Woman) went out to the deli and got 2 buttered rolls for our breakfast. These rolls come as Kaiser rolls with poppy seeds and are buttered and cut in half. Then the owner or worker of the deli inserts it into a waxed paper bag and tapes it. They are put neatly into a basket and the customers help themselves to as many as they want and pay for them, the cost only $1.09. Not a bad price. But…

WHY DO THEY MAKE A HALF HEARTED ATTEMPT AT CUTTING THE ROLL IN HALF? They NEVER slice all the way through the roll and you have to sometimes rip it apart, destroying the symmetry and order of the roll, causing the butter to get on your fingers.

When done correctly-a thing of beauty

If this isn’t enough, order a sandwich in a deli and see what you get. I ordered a ham and cheese, with lettuce, and tomato, mayo and sometimes a little onion. What happens? The surgeon behind the counter doesn’t cut the damned thing all the way through, causing mayo and tomato, to slide, fall out and get all over everything. Then the mayo starts to seep and soon once again, it is on your fingers and maybe at some point on a new tie, even if I’m not wearing one!

Now this rant would not be necessary if the guy behind the counter with the Samurai sword would do his job correctly.

Getting a bagel with cream cheese or as we said in Brooklyn, a “smear”, what you are really getting is a bagel with cream cheese on you! And, you will be smeared, on your fingers, clothes and the area in your immediate vicinity.

Now I own what I call ‘Dining Shirts’. These are shirts that have been to the restaurant and been stained by previous dinners and lunches. These stains are a lot like the stickers you put on your luggage when you travel to foreign lands and want to show off. Mine stains are mostly Italian, French, American and Japanese (sushi) and a sprinkling of Chinese, from both column A and B. These shirts are to be admired, not tossed like TLW does to me.