I’M GOVERNED BY THE ROBOTIC LADY

Life has certainly changed since the 20th Century. Communications are improving and instant information is now at our disposal, making knowledge all the easier to attain.

With the invention of things like the GPS and the ‘Smart Phone’ or ‘I-phone’, one can now get anywhere, learn anything and be spoken to by robotic voices. Go to a supermarket and check out with the help of the scanner as she instructs you on the steps to purchase groceries or hardware in a giant hardware store. You can check-in at a kiosk to fly somewhere, or order a hamburger and fries at a Burger King. Can life get any easier?

Glad you asked that question.

I have problems with it all. Siri, the lady that resides in my office computer must have had a stroke since she slurs her words like a drunk. Who knows, she may have downloaded some booze off the Internet without my knowing it. When she responds it sounds like she is annoyed that I even ask her a question.

My GPS and I have been at odds ever since I got it since the lady in that thing sounds like a bitch! If I deviate slightly from her directions she yells at me telling me to ‘PLEASE FOLLOW HER INSTRUCTED ROUTE’ as she now has to re-route to my destination, telling me not once but three times.

Supermarkets with their self-checkouts have some very demanding broads. They sound like my third-grade teacher, Mrs. Walsh, who never smiled or was in the least bit pleasant unless she was about to smack your open hand with her ruler! I wonder how that voice can go home to her husband with that attitude? It must be difficult being crammed inside those scanners I guess.

Airline kiosks are friendlier since they don’t have to talk to you, spitting out instructions and leading you by the fingers. Some even greet you, ask for your blood type and toilet schedule and immediately find you in the ‘system’

While you mention it, ‘the system’ is that vast array of info in cyberspace that contains everything about you including how much earwax you produce in a year’s time. Go to your friendly browser and type I anything and anything comes up, in multiple forms all ready for you to assimilate.

Want to bank, go online and do it, never dirty your hands with money or catch a cold from the man or woman behind you online. If you are daring and brave or brave and daring, you can actually go into a bank and still not talk to anyone as you approach the hidden teller’s window.

Before we know it Catholics will be able to go to confession on-line with megabytes of absolution, and for penance have to ask Siri for forgiveness.