WHATS IN THERE, ANYWAY?

I was reading the disposition that Barry Bonds gave to the Grand Jury in the newspaper and he mentioned that he never went into his wife’s purse in all the years he’s been married to her. It got me thinking.

We will be married 37 years in June, and in those 37 years, I’ve never been in TLW’s (The Little Woman) purse.

Now I’ve been near it, once so close that I could actually look in and see things. Oh, I don’t know what things, but things were in there, lots of them. Once, I even stood over it while it was opened and dropped a set of keys into it. I swear to God. They were her keys and I had borrowed her car. It made a sound after hitting bottom, then a long echo of metal against maybe porcelain.

Two things I never do are: go in her under ware drawer, and her purse. I can imagine what’s in her under ware drawer, but not her purse. That looks personal, and I am afraid to. If I ever put my hand in her purse, alarms with sirens would go off, an alligator would snap my arm off from the elbow down, and I would have a lot of years of nagging.


I do know she has a checkbook in there, half of the medicine cabinet and half a factory worth of Kleenex, not to mention her wallet, lots of change and enough plastic to construct a large split level or colonial house. Somewhere in the dark recesses of this phenomenon of a woman’s purse lie pockets, sections, a long strap, and probably a Saturday night special. Papers, papers and more papers, some in envelops. I saw her pull out gum, mints and aspirin (she carries that around for me) and she wonders why I need them. Hmm.

Her “Bags” change periodically, while I have one wallet for ten years. When I use a credit card, it is usually rejected because we closed out the account years ago that is how often I used credit cards. When I open my wallet and she’s around, I get self conscious, and I don’t know why. Maybe it is the moths, or the cobwebs, or even the dust that flies out. No, I’m not cheap, I just don’t spend a lot on incidentals, and I don’t chew gum or have mints in my mouth. Who do I spend it on? Why, TLW, of course. And I’m sure she wouldn’t have it any other way. (Occasionally I buy myself breakfast.)

Wish you hadn’t opened YOUR wallet when you purchased a service that brought you this blog? Let out your frustrations at: joedelbroccolo@yahoo.com. Tell him: “Now I know why I should spend my money wisely.”