WHAT MOTHER WANTS, MOTHER GETS, OR ELSE

Saturday morning, I received a call from Dear Old Mom.

“Hello? Joe? THIS IS YOUR MOTHER.”

I had this urge to hide, or at least stand at attention like a German Officer when he gets a call from Der Fuhrer.

“Hi Ma, how ya doin?”

“Listen” (don’t I always?) “I need a favor from you.”

Thoughts go from hauling water out of a flooded basement to climbing a roof or driving Miss Daisy to some doctor appointment.

“Sure Ma, what do you need?

The IRS sent me a form, and it is annoying me. I have to fill it out because its’ for the whatdoyacallit there the stimulus payment. But I don’t make out income tax returns anymore, since your Father died.”

I ask her what the number of the form is, and what it is called. She drops the phone without warning me, and goes to get it. Meanwhile I’m screaming into the phone: “Ma? Ma? Ma? Maaa? Maaaaaaaaaa? Returning she says she can’t make it out.

“Well, what does it say on top?” I ask. “It doesn’t say anything. Just some numbers and a big A! Oh, it says U.S. Individual Income Tax Return.”

“Ma, what is the number?” “Oh, I don’t know… One, Oh, Four, Oh and an A!”

“OK Ma, that’s a 1040A form.”

“Well you know, when I went to the tax people after your Father died, they told me since I’m on Social Security and make so little, not to come anymore.” (I wonder what the real reason was?) “By the way, how is everybody?” “Everybody is fine. Just give me your Social Security number and you gross income, and I’ll down load the form and fill it out for you.”

“What? What are you going to do?”

“Down load the form. You know, get it off of the internet. The computer Mom.”

“Oh, the computer! Off she goes once again, comes back and gives me her 2006 return.

She gives me the number and realizes her mistake. “Maybe I should give you 2007?”

“Hummm, maybe.”

“Don’t go away, I’ll be right back.”

Returning she gives me a new number.

“Make sure you put across the top, STIMULUS PAYMENT. That’s what they said in their letter.”

“OK, Ma”

“That’s S-T-…”

“OK, Ma”

“I-M-U-…”

“OK, Ma”

“LUS, payment”

“OK, Ma”

“That’s P-A-…”

“MAAA, OK!”

Y-M-E-N-T, across the top. DON”T FORGET, STIMULUS PAYMENT.”

“You got it Ma. Now, when do you need it?”

“Well, as soon as possible would be nice.”

“Is that S-O-O-N…”

“Don’t get so smart, you. You know you are not too old or big for the wooden spoon!”

“I KNOW, Ma.”

Wish my Mother would smack me off the internet? Then write to: joedelbroccolo@yahoo.com, Tell him: “Give me you Mother’s phone number, I want to talk to her.”