Yesterday TLW (The Little Woman) and I decided to price a wooden handrail to replace our wrought iron handrail. When TLW hates something enough, she replaces it.
Off we went to a show room that sells millwork, and had a nice selection to choose from. That was the problem. A woman in very business-like clothing, sweats to be exact, sat behind a desk, and on her ample chest it said: “New York Giants”, and in fact, she was a giant of a woman! She had to be about 6’ 3” tall and weighted about 290 lbs. She had a beautiful face with gorgeous black hair, but she was big.
Not knowing much about these kinds of things, she walked us through, and should have been wearing a referee’s shirt, as she threw out the first of her many samples at us.
“This is a pin head baluster, and this is a block baluster.” TLW and I immediately drew sides. I liked the block, and TLW liked the pin. I explained that the block looked like “a man lives here.” Thumbelina said that: “Actually, the pin head is stronger, it recesses in the handrail.” Being the man of the house I immediately put my foot down and said; “We’ll take the pin.” Sometimes I have to let TLW know who is boss.
Then Cinderella showed us the posts. I like bulky, woodsy looking posts. Something that says; “A man lives here.” She on the other hand likes the delicate effeminate looking kind. The kind that sits there looking pathetic. Once again, I put my foot down. “We’ll get the delicate looking one” said I.
Finally, we came to the handrail. Snow White showed us a rail that had a flat surface to it, which when you run your hand along it, it gets tired. (The hand). I liked contoured molded finish that said: “OK stupid, she agrees with you for a change.”
Whew, to think I was going to have a problem with TLW! Good thing I stood my ground.
Wish I would be in the ground, instead of standing on it? Send a carefully worded eulogy to: joedelbroccolo@yahoo.com. Tell him; “Why don’t you slide down the banister head first?”
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