OK, I ADMIT IT, I’M A CLOSET ESPN CLASSICS VIEWER

Yes I am, I just finished viewing the roller derby episode and can now say I am hooked. Can therapy be far behind?

Watching the show and hearing the voice over, it sounded like I was the voice over! My #1 Son writes it, and maybe I’m a little prejudice, but I do enjoy the show. The comments and points of reference that are made, I keep thinking: “Hey, that’s what I would say!” Of course my son says it a whole lot better than I could ever say it.

I suffer from Tourette’s Syndrome of the mind. There is a little voice in my head that I hear, and I carefully guard against it ever speaking out. The things it says are about what I see or hear, and sometimes I even feel ashamed of it.

If you love sports and competition, that is: competitions where others are doing the sweating while you eat and watch, then ESPN Sports Classics is for you. It is a very sophisticated look at sports commentary and production techniques with a twist, or should I say a twisted mind. The involvement of watching a game or competition of any kind with just the outcome in view is a shallow and unimaginative way to view sports. You need to view with other things that are just as important to the game as is the outcome or final score.

Allow me to elaborate. You are watching the Mets or Yankees play a game. The batter stands before the batters box, steps in and undoes his batter’s glove by undoing the Velcro. Between each pitch he does the same thing, tugging open the strap and closing it again. Velcro doesn’t come undone that easily. He grabs the top of his batting helmet and pushes it downward. He spits through clinched teeth, and if you are lucky, can catch the flutter of sunflower shells as they spring from his lips. All this before the first pitch is ever thrown! If the batter is a seasoned veteran he will even grab his crotch for you, or better still during a rainy day wipe his bat on it!

There are nine other positions that require those kinds of special skills on the old diamond. I wouldn’t even begin to cover the coaches, umpires or managers.

Of course Tourette’s Syndrome of the mind is not delegated to sports only. Listening to TLW (The Little Woman), your boss, somebody at the supermarket, and my favorite of all: the conversations of someone using a cell phone are all fodder.