NONI AND HIS POLO BARONI

Every now and then as I rest in my retirement (Between chores), I think of people I worked with in the past and realize some of them are rich in character. One such individual is a gentleman named Noni. Noni worked for the print production team, and spoke a very difficult dialect of English. I could never really understand him, but like everyone else in the company who knew him, I loved the guy.

Noni was very proud of his Pilipino homeland, and often spoke of it. He would on occasion wear what they call in the Philippines: a “Polo baroni”. It simply was a blouse that resembled a tuxedo shirt that was worn outside the pants, never tucked in. It was considered dressed up.

One of Noni’s endearing habits was to be the first one at work, and the last one to leave, sometimes working on Saturdays. He had one complaint, that being when it was Friday, he couldn’t wait until Monday. Not to be judgmental, but boy, was that annoying! He also had a habit of parking in the same spot every morning, and I decided to have a little fun with that.

In 1991, the company acquired computers for the first time for the graphics department, and it offered me great opportunities for mischief. I decided to create a traffic ticket that I could post on his windshield under his wiper blade. I took great pains to make it look like it came from the Port Washington Police department, and the infraction was “Parking too close to the ground.” At some point me and a bunch of my cohorts, including Noni’s boss gathered around the one way mirror window that overlooked his car, and convinced him to go out to his car to get something. Noni sauntered out to the vehicle and immediately noticed the “Ticket” and grabbed it off the windshield. Reading the ticket, Noni starts to look at his car, and gets down on his hands and knees and looks at the distance between his car and the ground, and goes to the car next to him and does the same thing! By now everyone watching this from inside is in hysterics, screaming and laughing out loud. I have him totally convinced that he is in violation, and I decide to go outside and pretend I know nothing. He meanwhile is carefully folding the ticket in half to put in his pocket. He sees me and calls me over.

Noni: {poij v[aj q0j ka’p? (Hey Joe, can you figure this out?
Me: (after taking a while to figure out what he just said) sure Noni, you got a ticket for parking too close to the curb!
Noni: {P;okd jf;woij;kncp;ouh ;a? (How come I never got one before?
I look at his New jersey license plate and say:
Because you are from New Jersey.
Noni: Lpoiajvopaij po [ofje[oif. (Are you @*$%&$@(&$# me?)

It took Noni most of the day to realize at the bottom of his ticket that he should pay the fine in cash to: who else? But me.