I am a member of the guardianship committee, a co-chair in fact. I do this for the AHRC Suffolk chapter, as per their invitation. It is a sobering experience at times, and this time is the most sober of them all.
There is a woman, in her late 80’s, developmentally disabled, has been all her life a person that loves her mother and her brother Joe. TLW (The Little Woman) and I adopted her years ago as a special friend. We would take her to lunch or for ice cream, she loved her “schrimpies” as she called them, and loved Carvel ice cream, two treats we and others: would bring to her. She always said she wanted to die so she could be with “Mamma and Joey”!
Her name is Jennie, and once she had me convinced that she had a driver’s license, even though she couldn’t read. Turns out that she got an ID from the motor vehicle department, and never knew you could. It looks just like a real license!
When we visited her at her home for people with special needs, no one was allowed to talk to us but her, she was very guarded about that. She was ornery: bad tempered, and yet had a great sense of humor. We loved it all! She even had a little business going on the side, knitting covers for clothes hangers. She sold them for $2 each, and God help the person who couldn’t use one or two. Once we brought her home to my house for dinner, and as she sat in a chair, asked me what was for dinner. I told her and she said I shouldn’t eat, that I should walk around the block, “All the way around the block!”
She once was given up for as dead, as she was suffering from cancer, and we her guardians on the guardianship committee made decisions for her that were life ending. She survived the cancer and lived on. Screw you Guardianship committee!
Then the other day, I received an email that she was in the hospital, the doctors didn’t want to go to extraordinary means to keep her alive, and so we were asked to meet in an emergency session on what we should do for her. Keep her on the life-line or end it all. THEY WANTED ME TO SAY WE SHOULD END IT ALL, if it was necessary! This has brought me crashing down, making me realize I am no god, don’t have the right to be a god, and don’t want to be a god, one who determines the fate of someone’s life.
It is so strange: we work for the betterment of someone’s life, and suddenly are asked to maybe end it! How could they ask me that? What can I do? I am responsible to contribute to a life ending decision maybe. Say someone should no longer live, that their life is not worth living! Then I can go home and continue to live mine.
I have three questions I will ask. 1) How long will she live without extraordinary measures? 2) Will she be in pain, insufferable and lingering pain? 3) Will the longer she live, the pain increase?
Lord forgive me, I am taking on your job, and I have no right to, yet you ask! I thought you were all knowing.
1 comment:
This must be very hard to do. I guess when there is no family to make the decision, someone has to. It's a heavy responsibility to be sure.
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