THINGS THAT GO BANG

Recently, in an effort to continue his education, vacation and to add more digits in his bank account, my heart specialist sent me for some tests. There is always the stress test, and then there are other tests that are less grueling, but more fun.

More fun?

I go into his office and this very nice technician calls me and off we go to the testing room. Blue eyed and blond, I see I’m going to need more of these tests.

“Take you shoes and socks off and lay on this table.” (Her fetish?)

I do like I’m told and cold feet and all lay out on the table. Poking me awake she begins the test by telling me she will be taking my blood pressure from both my legs, as she wraps 5 or 6 pressure bands around each leg and each foot.

“This makes a lot of noise!” she states, and the fun begins. “Each section of your legs will be measured against your arms, and the results should divide into each other by 1 or more. You will be squeezed on each part of the body.”

“Will my tongue stick out each time that happens, and what about my eyes, will they bulge?”

“HAHA, no, I promise you, none of that! The test makes a lot of noise though!”

Suddenly, the room comes alive with the sound of what I always thought was TLW (The Little Woman) opening the pot drawer in the kitchen while I try to listen to a movie in the den, with loud crashing, banging noise.

Starting from the thighs, and working downward, the pressure is increased around each of the pressure bands, squeezing so hard, you’d think they were going to break the leg bone, or you were being squeezed once again by the IRS! All this and an instrument that is sticking into the bottom of your foot!

“OK, you’re done. Everything looks fine! Your doctor will speak with you, but it all seems normal!”

Obviously, she never bothered to check my head, or she would never have used terms like: “Fine” and Normal”.