FIRST I SAY WE HAVE IT, AND THEN I DON’T

Then I say I’ll look and then I don’t. What are you gonna do? 

You remember that song by Ella Fitzgerald: Undecided? Well let’s hum a few bars as we go.

First you say you do
And then you don't
And then you say you will
And then you won't

You're undecided now
So what are you gonna do?

The pool guys came to open my pool last week and gave me a reading on the chemical composition of the water and what needs to be raised. Since it sits there all winter the chemical balance is out of whack, so the Houseboy (Me) brings things back to par.

Now you want to play
And then it's no
And when you say you'll stay
That's when you go

You're undecided now
So what are you gonna do?

Oh course, somewhere in this equation stands TLW (The Little Woman), who likes to conduct inquisitions on occasion. One went just like this.

I've been sitting on a fence
And it doesn't make much sense
'Cause you keep me in suspense
And you know it

“Do we have all the chemicals we need?”

“No”

“Did you check the shed?”

“Yes”

“Did you check the garage??”

“Yes”

“You sure you checked the shed and the garage.”

“Well I didn’t see any anywhere!”

Then you promise to return
When you don't, I really burn
Well, I guess I'll never learn
And I show it

TLW has a master plan, to take over my mind. She has been attempting this for 41 years legally and for a year prior to marriage. Sometimes she succeeds almost.

If you've got a heart
And if you're kind
Then don't keep us apart
Make up your mind

Her plan is very simple: I tell her the pool guy is coming say on Thursday, and a few days before she hides all the pool chemicals somewhere in the house, where I don’t know, but they ARE hidden. Then I commit to not seeing them anywhere and she has set the stage.

You're undecided now
So what are you gonna do?

I've been sitting on a fence
And it doesn't make much sense
'Cause you keep me in suspense
And you know it

So one morning she appears with what else but ph balance and places it on the kitchen table. A look of triumph is written across her face, she has succeeded!

Then you promise to return
When you don't, I really burn
Well, I guess I'll never learn
And I show it

“HERE is the ph balance you swore we didn’t have!”

“Oh!”

“Yes, you know the ph balance we didn’t have.”

If you've got a heart
And if you're kind
Then don't keep us apart
Make up your mind

You're undecided now
So what are you gonna do?

Someday, I will learn. I will learn to invoke the 5^th amendment and then plead “No lo contender” and throw myself at the mercy of the court.  Or, I could retain a lawyer to handle all domestic issues on a daily basis, making my attempts at survival with TLW a little more even.

WHO looks for chemicals while talking to your pool guy? Why would she bother to ask those questions then instead of asking days before, at least when she is hiding the chemicals so the playing field is a little more even?

Now if you don't love me
I wish you'd say so
Our love is so much honey
I'd just got to know

I am just a fool for you
What are you gonna do?