DelBloggolo: DANTE HAD HIS, I GOT MINE

Thursday, October 23, 2014

DANTE HAD HIS, I GOT MINE

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If there is one place I hate, it is either Home Depot or Lowe’s.

Now I like a new hammer or a nice can of fresh paint, as long as it is in someone else’s hands. I have had enough home repairs through the years. I ripped out radiators, kitchens and bathrooms, converting them to nice new rooms and frankly all it does is bring back nightmares for me and in some ways: TLW (The Little Woman I swore a lot and she had to take the kids to her mothers).

The job I hate the most is painting, the moving of furniture, the prep work and then the mess of cleanup afterward, all make me miserable. I did so much painting throughout my life that it could reach from here to the moon and back. The first time I ever held a paintbrush in my hand, Dad got me up on a ladder in my Grandmother’s kitchen to paint a section of a wall. I was maybe 7 years old. Of course I spilled the can off the ladder and Dad got mad at me. I guess he was looking for a child prodigy in house paint.

Throughout my early teens from 11 on, I had to help Dad when he got these side jobs painting. Hated it all, especially on a rainy Sunday afternoon in a dark and dreary factory.

So recently I had to replace a back screen door. The door was rotting because it was in constant shade. Mold and mildew grabbed it and didn’t let go. So TLW announced one morning we would go to Lowe’s or Home Depot and buy a new screen door.

You know, when you get older, it creeps up on you, you have young eyes and a tired body, and mine is tired. The thought of doing this project was starting to bother me. The idea of my creaky bones nailing, sawing and screwing did not appeal like it once did. So I decided to hire someone to do the work.

As we perused through the screen door section of Lowe’s we came to one door that had a nice price and had different colors it offered. I loved the idea of maybe a beige door to go with the siding.

“Hey Toots, look at this, it comes in beige!”

“Oh!? We don’t like colors, we want white.”

“Yes, of course we do, foolish me, damn why do I go off like that?”

And so I have hired a gentleman to do the work, just like a Baron, something I could chew up in no time as a young lad I am giving off to someone else.

But getting back to Lowe’s or Home Depot, I would rather have a pork chop in the cheeks of my butt in a room full with hungry lions than go into that place, with the loud speaker, the noise and the constant walking looking for something they don’t carry anyway. Dante had his Hell and Home Depot is mine.