THE LIE, AND LIRR – LOL

Having commuted over 37 years either via the LIRR or the LIE, you can’t help but people watch. People watching cures boredom, and helps you pass the time away. Watching people on the train is particularly more interesting and fun because you can take a longer and closer look at your subject. Of course in the New York Metropolitan area, there are two kinds of trains, and two kinds of commuters. There are the suburbanites that travel to work on a weekday via the LIRR, and there are the subway travelers who live on the subways and shop, eat and sleep on the locals and expresses as they rattle their way across the five boroughs. You should not confuse them with the straphangers who ride the subways from the various commuter lines out of the suburbs.

Among my favorites on the LIRR are all the married men in their thirties, who are committed to their wives, but are making calculating judgments of the young ladies about them. They are dressed nicely and behave admirably in the a.m., but in the p.m. are a little looser in their demeanor about such matters.

Another group I find fascinating is the clique, the club of usually card players. The card players consist of all ages, both men and women, and the women are usually in their 50’s or 60’s. The women can swear, smoke and yell like the men, drink you under the lapboard, and can’t recall if their husbands are alive or dead.

The most endangered of the travelers is the sometimes traveler. They are greeted with pity, anger, and annoyance, as they break all the rules of travel on the LIRR. Their first mistake is getting on before everyone else. They take a seat that is usually occupied by the card players. These seats are facing each other and are usually at the end of the cars, front or back. All of a sudden, the card player finds the intruder, and it can become embarrassing to watch. They greet the interloper with a cold stare, say not a word, and try to pretend the invader doesn’t exist. A great deal is made out of taking out the deck of cards, displaying the lapboard, and spreading out, hoping the outsider gets the hint.

Then there is the lady who occasionally goes into the city to visit or see a play, or has some temporary business to conduct, and decides to take a commuter train during peak hours, after a huge crowd has boarded the train. This is important because the trainman becomes very busy trying to acknowledge monthly, or weekly passes, and the next stop is coming up quickly so there isn’t much time. The lady decides to buy her ticket from the trainman. Not only is she going to give him a large bill to try to cash, but will ask for directions to boot. She will in this transaction, find some questions that will stall the whole exchange of money and ticket. This is my favorite of all the travelers.

And of course, you can’t forget the sleeper. He or she gets on and hangs the ticket on a button or hat or some device so the trainman can see it. Once the head is rested against the window or wall, the arms folded and the feet crossed, he is out! The newspaper reader will annoy the sleeper. Yes, the newspaper reader can be annoying to the sleeper, as he keeps awakening the sleeper with his arm movements, and the crackling of the paper.

Last but not least is the loud mouth, usually a construction worker, who rides in a gaggle of construction workers or tradesmen. He tells jokes no one but the group understands, but everyone on the car can hear. He is in his late twenties or early thirties, carries a newspaper he never reads on the train, and totes his lunch, sometimes in a pail, sometimes bagging it. He wears a yellow construction hat, a red plaid jacket, worn boots, and visibly carries his cigarettes.

As you can tell, I’ve been studying these people for a long time, and find them all amusing as well as irritating, but they all contribute to life. Thank you people, one and all.