COME WHAT MAY, MAY I COME?

In a couple of weeks, my wife and I, along with her sister Maureen and Maureen’s first husband Steve, will be attending a high school reunion of sorts. All three are past members of the high school, which I never attended except to pick up girls. This is a reunion where everyone knows everyone but me. Yes, I will be the main attraction as people try to figure out who the hell I am, and what the hell I’m doing there. Well, the little woman invited me, and I responded, “Yes.” She should have looked disturbed, but instead looked relieved, probably because all the old paunchy and bald men who no longer are attached will not be hitting on her.

It is unusual for me to be a glutton for punishment, however every now and then I do get suicidal. I figure this will be a good test for me to see if I must behave any different than I usually do at functions. (See my April 26th blog.)

I like to attend events where there is no pressure. This will have all the pressure in the world. I have to behave myself that day because I can’t embarrass the little woman. I will do my best to uphold that point of view, but I just know something will happen to me. I promise I will give you the results on Tuesday the 23rd of May.

Being at a function like the one I am going to is like coming to America for the first time. You don’t know anybody, they don’t know you, and think all kinds of things about you, "Who did she marry!" Well let me tell them something. They probably are close to being right. However I will immediately be drawing my own conclusions. I hope their conclusions will be more favorable than mine will be of them. Being the stranger means in a way you don’t speak their language. Maybe I’d fit in better with a high school crowd of today.

I can hold my own in conversations about: Life, art, sports, politics, music, literature, but shy away from quantum physics. Can cut a rug, but no high wire routines. Can build with my hands as well as talk with them. So I have enough to converse, and give a good accounting of myself. There should be all kinds of people there, with all kinds of talents, and they all solve simple problems their own way. For example:

Embarrassing Moment
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"