IF THERE’S A NUN AROUND, SHE’LL FIND ME

Well I’m reporting back on last night’s gala event. Yes, the Little Woman’s school reunion. It consisted of former students of a Catholic High School that no longer exist. For the most part it was a smashing success because it had an open bar.

Attending the event were 160 virgins. (This WAS a Catholic High school after all.)

I immediately went into my frustration mode after finding the bar. The same hors de ores were served, and I began my juggling routine of glass, appetizer and napkin. Unfortunately they don’t pay jugglers. The event itself was uneventful, as people went around staring into other people’s chests to check out either bust size or names. Everyone squinted in doing so, and I kept wondering “Are those your real teeth?

The food was nothing special, and neither were any of the long speeches given by the same nun under different disguises. She had me fooled with the moustache but not when she put on the hat.

When we got there, a nun immediately singled me out as to where I should go. A short little lady, with short white hair looked at my named tag, which had MY high school and graduation year on it, and I think she was pointing to the outside of the building. Fortunately, the wife came and rescued me. This incident was a harbinger of grief to come. Omens of great magnitude, which will forever in the annals of nunnery, have my name and picture posted as persona non-gratis.

We chit chatted for quite a while with those at our table, people we did not know, and the conversation was pleasant for the most part. Then they decided to sing the alma mater. I never saw 160 people whisper all at once before! This is the fight song? This is a peace song! No, this was a big secret. There was no music or dancing, so there were no lines at the rest rooms. All the older ladies looked like former nuns, so it was really hard for me to get my bearings. Fortunately the three ladies that accompanied me to this event where never nuns. Believe me.

Anyway, as we were leaving, the Little Woman decided she had to use the rest room, and I was left standing like a chootch to wait for her. As I stood there, a lady comes up to me all smiles and says “Did you have a nice time tonight?” I look at her nametag; it says “Sister Mary Margaret” a nun! I said, “Yes Sister, I had a wonderful time.” She looks at my nametag, and I decided maybe I should explain my presence. I immediately go into an explanation by saying that I never went to the high school; however, I did go to Catholic School when I was younger. The only difference I state is that “The nuns were meaner then.” That is not good to say and hope to continue a conversation. She left me facing the wall.