EMAILS-EGAD!

Being on the internet and having a email service exposes me to a lot of junk and con emails. I’m sure you get them too,

“Dear Sir, I am Barrister Scmuckagooler, and represent the estate of Thebulliscrap in Nairobi, and we need to transfer the sum of $65 million and thought that you might be interested in a cut of 40%. I just happened to be thumbing through the Holbrook telephone directory and thought, what a nice name, I think I’ll share 40% of $65 million with you.”

I get at least 3 or 4 every week, sometimes on the same day! I always respond, suggesting that they should have sex with themselves, or even maybe family members. They still send the emails no matter how I try to offend them.

Then I always get “Send this to at least 50 million people in your address book. If you don’t mail this out to at least 50 million email addresses you will break the chain and suffer from perpetual wedgies.

Now folks, I don’t mind e-mails, but please, attach something I can use, like a cash voucher, or electronic boarding passes to Honolulu. I promise to send you a postcard everyday.

I happen to have over 4,000 emails that I haven’t thrown out yet-they have information that I might need someday. Besides I tried to get rid of some of it, but it just won’t go away. I delete it from my list, but it goes somewhere else and taunts me about the number that have accumulated. Could my email cache’ be possessed???

Sending emails is another thing I don’t like to do. I always go to the address book, and never find the name I’m looking for. Yet I know it’s there.

Then there is the email that gets sent back by the email monitor, or something that says in effect “here is a huge list (about 10 full pages) of electronic code, and somewhere in this code is the reason we returned the email.” “Try and find it sucker.”

Now I’m starting to get emails for: Viagra, (I don’t need it, I have a taxidermist) Birth Control organizations, Home Businesses to start, mortgage companies, and restaurant chains.

The email world is a very lonely one, with a lot of people trying to break into it and make me: worried, horney, sexy, hungry