A CLOUD OVER MY HEAD

It never fails that I go and do something and it doesn’t work out, because of someone’s incompetence.

Yesterday TLW (The Little Woman) decided she wanted to buy me lunch, and I accepted with great enthusiasm, without suspicion! OK, so I can surprise myself, too.

Off we go to a local eatery and are introduced to the staff, like rolling credits in an opening or closing of a movie. By the way, when did that silly idea begin and who started it? “How many please” is good for a start, then: “My name is Wonderlust, I’m the maitre ‘d, and Alleyoop will be your server.” That is too much information to handle on an empty stomach. Frankly I don’t give a damn Scarlett, I’m too hungry to care what your name is and frankly (Or is that Frankly or Mr. Frankly) I’m going to forget it as soon as you leave the table.

The happiest, chipper and upbeat little girl arrives shortly and introduces herself like I changed my mind and am really interested in developing a relationship with her between the soup and the salad.

“Hi! My name is Alleyoop and I will be your server today!”

Oh goody, I have a server all day! I’m sure TLW will be happy to have some assistance as she goes through her day. I would sure like to know when she ends the day, at 5:00 P.M. or is it the stroke of midnight?

“Can I take your order or do you need more time?”

Well Clarabelle, it would be nice to read the menu first, just so the copywriter and designer of the menu feel like they have a place in this world.

“Take your time, I’ll be back in a moment with your drinks.”

Now a moment isn’t a lot of time to read a tri-fold menu and a second menu that promotes the first menu. Returning Alleyoop places the drinks down in front of us and begins the inquisition. TLW, always daring and willing to take a chance, (read our engagement and wedding announcements) starts off first and then the talented and forever happy Alleyoop turns her attention to me. I ask for a soup and a 4-cheese pasta dish with chicken that looks and sounds good. Off goes Miss Sunshine.

Surprisingly Alleyoop arrives and places the orders down. TLW gets what she ordered and I get the wrong thing. Of course: WHAT DID YOU EXPECT??? TLW rolls her eyes and says the obvious: “Is that what you ordered?” Coming out of my anger, my hearing coming back to me, my blood pressure back in near safe range, I want to explode. I try to get Alleyoops attention, but she is nowhere to be seen. I look and see another ‘server’ and try frantically to get her attention, but alas, to no avail, however I do have the attention of every patron in the building including some old guy with his pants down standing in the doorway of the men’s room! (Nah!)

I get up and start hunting for my server for the day and find her on the other side of the building with her cohorts chatting. You’d think she’d be annoying me with my meal by constantly asking if everything is all right. But she is a smart girl in spite of the screwed up order, she already knows she screwed up and is hiding,

If you ever go to an appliance store, a bank or a restaurant, don’t come near me, it will only ruin your day, as this seems to happen to me all the time!