WHEN A SMALL STORM HITS…

You know Ellen is around. No, not TLW (The Little Woman), but my daughter, Ellen.

Today is Ellen’s birthday; she is 36. 36 years ago, when she was born, TLW and I had a lot of hopes and dreams for her. But the ugly reality of mental retardation and developmental disabilities gripped us all like a big, ugly vice, and squeezed those dreams away. Now our dreams are of a different kind, a more modest hope for her.

One of those dreams is that people, the public, understand what mental retardation is, and how it affects a whole family. People with disabilities like Ellen want only to be happy, and to love. They don’t discriminate about whom they will love; they will love us all. I often visit her home, and I go from resident to resident and say: “hello” because it is their home. If I wear a hat, I take it off in respect. One might think; “What do these people really understand?” They understand love. They wish to be free of pain and sickness, just like you and I. Their world is a lonely self contained one, of just pain and confusion. I think of my life, and the fact that there are things I should probably be punished for, what did they do? Why does the public shun them and punish them even more?

Getting them to live in a home, one that is neat and clean and well cared for is a plus to any community once they are accepted. Why is there reluctance to allowing them to live where they want in the first place? The law says you cannot discriminate against a person because of race or religious belief, yet the law does not protect the mentally retarded from those very same people that discriminate against them! There arte laws such as the “Padavan” law that says you can’t build a house within a certain radius of one that is already established. The law is wrapped in a cloak of hocus pocus that disguises the prejudice of the community. Is this population a danger to someone? When do we discriminate against any human being?

Ellen goes to a program everyday except weekends and holidays. She and all her peers are supervised because they need physical assistance. They are not all like Ellen. Those that are ambulatory, can speak and move about on their own, have jobs, contribute to the community and, God forbid you need their help, will help you. Their cost is economical. You just let them live with dignity.

There are a few people in this world, a precious few, that dedicate their lives to the mentally retarded and physically disabled. Their pay is shameful, yet they do the hardest work of all. They bring dignity to people like Ellen. They help her live a wonderful life within the boundary of her affliction. She is happy, as are her peers, her housemates. They teach her to do for herself, and when she falls, they pick her up, dust her off, and sometimes, even bandage her up, and off she goes.

I don’t mean to chastise any reader. No, I mean to respectfully remind you that our lives can be daunting at times, but people with the problems I see at the Suffolk Chapter Association for the Help of Retarded Children, and every chapter in this great land of ours, have it even tougher.

http://www.ahrcsuffolk.org/