THE DOG DOLLAR$

Today I had to take my dog Happy to the Vets. She is due for all her shots once again, and we wanted to get her a check up. As she lied on the floor, sleeping away, I reached for her leash and she immediately perked up. I slip it on her and off we go to the car.

Being how she is older, she can’t make the climb into my truck, so I have to help her up. Arriving at the Sachem Animal Hospital, she jumps out and realizes where she is. We’ve been going there long before Happy was born. I used to take the kids there for their distemper shots too. Turning 180 degrees, Happy heads the other way on the leash, so I pull and push her up the steps. We enter the office and she leaves a trail of poops on the welcome mat. Her sentiments, I guess. The assistant comes out and asks if we have a stool sample for them. “Well, as a matter of fact, I do. Just ask the young lady who just picked it up!”

We weigh her and I think they must charge by the pound to treat the dog. I get Dr. Imgonnamakesomemoneyoffthissucker, a partner along with Drs; Wheele, Cheetum and Howe, in the practice. On weekends when he is not at the animal hospital, he is a mechanic. Bring in any car, he will find something wrong with it that costs at least $300! He carried that practice into the animal hospital.

“I detect a heart murmur!” I think to myself: “Why don’t it whisper?” “On a scale of 6, it is a 2 or 3. Being how she’s an old dog, we won’t worry about it. But (Here it comes) we should really be cautious and have her tested. We (He means me) should be cautious, after all, it could mean high blood pressure that could result in an enlarged heart, because it overworks to pump blood. That could lead to all kinds of complications! We could call the mobile heart van, they come to the parking lot, and for $300, and we could test her. (I wonder how much of that he will pay for in this [we].) Anyway call me Monday for the results of the blood test and let me know about the heart test.” I wonder if they could throw me in for that price.

I look around the room and see a sign: “New! See our Pet Salon and Hotel! Open weekends and weekdays! ” The doctor sees me reading it! “We just opened them. Yes, you take a trip, you send her here to get groomed and to stay. You know, I worry about old dogs that go to these pet kennels, if something goes wrong, we are right there! Your animal is safe in our hands. By the way, would you like some approved dog food? We have it outside for just $800 a glance, and $600 a bag. You do love your dog, don’t you? There is also pet insurance, pet candy and for winter: dog underwear.”

On the way out “Don’t forget to call me Monday. Did you see our fine line of leashes, collars and ask about of doggie photo package, comes with a free keychain and application for the poor house. Have a good day!”