THE TOOL MAN BILL (MMB)

MMB (My Man Bill) is the “Tool Man” He has every tool there is. He works secretly at night, making newer tools. He employs about 50 little elves that create tools that someone might need. He feeds the elves rice to bind them and not leave any telltale signs of their existence.

When I’m doing a little putting around the house, and I need a special tool, I go to MMB. I know he has it. I once needed a power nail gun to finish off my molding, so I asked MMB and he not only had one, but had various size nails. I said that I should get one myself, and he said: “Why do that when I have one.”

Today I was cleaning my gutters. I had a fairly good ladder out, and was trying to get it to sit squarely on the ground, because the ground was uneven. Who should pull up but MMB, popping out of his car, seeing me asked: “You want a better ladder?” Now who doesn’t want a better ladder? I said: “Sure!” He brings it over; it has an altimeter, parachute and wet bar.

You need a snow blower? How about one with a heated cab? A saw? He’ll give you one that measures the wood, and if you cut it too short, will stretch it to the proper length!

No matter what tool he loans you, he always admonishes you to: “Take your time with it.”

Some day, I will have the tool. I will find out what kind of tool he may have that there is a better model of, and I will buy it, and then spend the rest of my miserable life waiting for him to use his. Then, I WILL MARCH OVER AND SAY; “There must be some mistake, I think I have your tool, and you have mine!”