OUCH…OW, OW, OW

These are the “words” I repeat every morning: OOOh! Houch! OW, OW, OW! And the ever popular: “Holy #&@#!”

What causes such vile and disgusting behavior? GETTING OLD, what the hell else?

Rising from a deep slumber, the arms and hands are numb, the back is aggravated, and the legs are stiff. (I’m not making jokes about that last word.) I don’t wish to rise but must. I need coffee. The dog needed to go out at 3:00 A.M., and I was recruited by TLW (The Little Woman). Poking me she whispers in my ear; “The dog has to go out!” I don’t want to move, I want to lay there. Why am I moving without my brains, which are still dreaming pleasantly?

I follow the dog down to the den. She stops along the way to sniff for crumbs, makes a stop at the water dish then decided to go outside. I wish to kill her if I can. Finally she comes back after doing her business, and decides not to go up stairs right away. Half asleep, I must coax her up. I finally get back to bed. TLW is fast asleep.

Getting up again, I don’t crawl out of bed; I throw myself on the floor. If something feels better, I move it to help myself stand. The other morning, the only thing that felt good was my left ear. It is very difficult trying to stand using only your left ear.

I then must negotiate two flights of steps, at a 90-degree turn. Half asleep, I turn right instead of left and will often find myself in the living room, instead of on my way to the kitchen!

TLW is already up, rising at 4:30 A.M. I kid you not, she has already had a full pot of coffee and read two morning newspapers! The dog has gone out at least three times already, and I’m just waking up, needing to go. What do I do first, go or get coffee? I go, dreaming of the coffee.

After that first cup, I suddenly begin to gain consciousness and dig into the newspapers, checking to see how the Mets did on the coast. Aggravated I go to the news and read how aggravating life is getting.

The good thing is I don’t have to be anywhere. Being retired, I make or break my own schedule, providing I get up first.