By my estimation, I have won over $1 Billion in lotteries, awards, sweepstakes and just outright good old fashion niceness of the Nigerian Government.
If I ever see a cent, I will of course become humbled and gratified. I doubt it will happen but let’s see.
Everyday I get news of awards, and requests of assistance by way of my email address, in the neighborhood of 15 to 20. One is from an ATM card that has millions waiting for me, once I “Release the funds of $400 for processing.”
I wrote back, suggesting they take the money out of the millions, and send me the balance. I haven’t heard back yet, but I’m sure it is just a simple bookkeeping chore that needs to be completed. I have suspended any plans for a round the world vacation until they do that.
I wrote back to another one about how I appreciate their kindness, and we should really get together soon so I can buy them a drink. They sent me the same email again, requesting personal information. I go by the name of: Algonquin J. Calhoun, of Brooklyn, New York, USA. I figure if I have all these billions of dollars, I don’t want my friends and family plotting my demise.
These emails come from the Nigerian Government, rich widows whose husbands died in car accidents, and other unfortunate occurrences. Gosh, I feel so guilty about cashing in on some poor Nigerian widow, who can only get her money through my email address. Once I get it, I will send her a few bucks for a new hat.
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