I DO. OR DO I?

The clan will gather this weekend in West Palm Beach for the wedding of my nephew David. David was adopted from a nice Jewish family (which explains the name David) by one of my older sisters, Joanne.

The Matriarch, Mother Olympia, all 90 years of her, and her baby sister Marietta, 86 and available will attend the festivities. They will reserve their comments for after the wedding, when no one is around.

Gathering at this festive occasion will be the ones from Sayville. That is John and big Sis Tess. Yes, Tessie has been married to John well over 43 years, and has yet to make him crack a smile or his wallet open! A genial fellow by nature, he comes with a serious side. Two extra long kielbasas that he will instruct the cook to heat up, and will then gather the left over’s for the ride home. Tessie has been “warming up” for this event since Saturday from what I gather of her email to everyone. (“fun, fun, fun.”) Her warm up comes in a bottle of dry white, as in wine.

Then there is Crazy Uncle Joe. This character has been around for a long time and is starting to stink. We are not sure if it is a bad case of old age flatulence or the body has finally decomposed. He has been preserved in a pickling solution of Jack Daniels and Martini and Rossi sweet vermouth. Accompanying the old fart will be his lovely wife, TLW (The Little Woman). TLW will smile and quietly zing her old man and remember EVERYTHING, which she will save and bring up to him on his deathbed.

Not to miss a thing, the Connecticut arm of the clan. Tom, the other half of the Polish influence, will sing his all time favorite; “By Me A Pork Chop” both in Polish and English, however with a Connecticut accent. (Did you ever hear a Pole speak in Polish with a Connecticut accent?) Accompanying him is my older Sister Nippy, sometimes known as Fran, and sometimes known to conduct classes even if she is retired, stuck on the Connecticut turnpike. She got the name Nippy from a previous job as a test pilot for Cutty Sark.

Rounding out the assemblage is another older sister, MaryAnn. MaryAnn will fly in, the question being is: how. The conventional way most people do it, or her usual conventional way, on her broom. Mary as she likes to be called, can out talk anyone in the family. In fact, she is the only one who doesn’t drink, being how it is impossible to do both at the same time.

Well, I wrote it, and I guess I have to pay. But hey, what the hell.

We have another older sister, Joan, who was adopted by the family when she was left on the doorstep. We knew she was there because the cat wouldn’t go out and was afraid that day.

You may send flowers directly to the beach where the funeral will take place, directly following the wedding ceremony of David and Kim.

Please remember my pals, Joan and Anita in a short prayer.

Thanks, and I think, ‘goodbye!’