TO SATELLITE OR NOT TO SATELLITE

The other night, #1 Son called from LA and spoke with his Mother, my first wife, TLW (The Little Woman.) I was watching a ballgame that directly affected the Mets fortunes, but it was not a Mets game.

#1 Son asked her if I was watching this particular game and she said; “Yes.”

When she hung up the conversation turned to whether or not #1 Son has a satellite dish or a very nice cable package. She said he has a satellite dish, I said he has a cable hookup. We argued back and forth and she picks up the phone to settle the argument. #1 Son asks on the phone, what I thought and what TLW thought and she hung up.

HE HAS A SATELLITE DISH! (Looking both triumphant and smug.)

I don’t believe her. I think I don’t believe #1 Son either. I think he likes his Mother better than me. Had she said cable, he would have cable and not a satellite dish! Sons tend to favor their Mothers.

The reason they have Father’s Day is because it is an afterthought. The Department of Holidays figured,: “Hey, we got what we want, Mother’s Day, to keep the old crank from complaining we’ll have a Father’s Day, AFTER Mother’s Day. Let’s not get carried away, Mother’s Day rules.”

The three biggest words in the child’s vocabulary are: “DON’T, TELL, DADDY.” When #2 Son gets up in the afternoon he says: “Where’s Mom?” During the day it is; “When is Mom getting home?” When he calls from the outside it’s, “Put Mom on the phone.”

When I die, I’m not telling them where I’m buried.

Please remember my buddies Joan and Anita.

Thanks for your time.