YOUR NORMAL CATHOLIC

After Vatican II, the Pope decided to shake things up at Mass and confuse me and everyone else. To illustrate this point, I will point to a couple that attends Mass every Sunday at 8:30 AM. They are Adeste and his wife: Mrs. Fidelis.

Now Mrs. Fidelis leads while Adeste follows her cues. In the old days, you were required to genuflect at the end of the pew, before entering. Then at Vatican II, they decide that a bow would be enough. So naturally, some people still harbor the old ways. So what happens? I’ll tell you what happens: Mrs. Fidelis can’t make up her mind. So she glides up to the pew, half genuflects and throws in a sign of the cross! Yes, this is completely out of whack with Vatican approved procedure. My guess is the terrible scourging death she will receive! And old Fidelis, why he just pops in the pew and dumps his baseball cap on his knee and sits! That’s right, just sits!

Now we come to a few readings. The Mrs. Takes out the book and dutifully looks up the readings. Old Adeste just fiddles with his cap, and scans the flock.

Of course the issue of singing along with the annoying ‘leader’, who raises her arms like we should be following her and sing. Mrs. Fedelis joins in silent tribute. That is, she lip-syncs the words, but you don’t hear any sounds. Adeste is still catching up with looking around. Then it is Adeste’s turn to lip-sync, as the prayer of the faithful begins. The Mrs. prays, out loud, no talent needed. But, Adeste? Why he is giving lip service without the noise to back it up!

Behind Adeste sits a lady. She has a cold. She is coughing, sneezing into her bare hands, and sniffling enough juice to float a cruise ship, she caught the cold on. Suddenly the priest pronounces the magic words: “Let us offer each other the sign of peace.” Adeste thinks: “Oh yeah fellow, says who? I ain’t shaking hands with that old battleaxe; I got a golf date this week. You shake her hand and catch her cold!”

Then there is the zombie march, or; Let’s go to Communion. One by one, the sinners arise from their pews and get into the main aisle to receive communion. Ms. Fidelis hands clasped slowly marching forward, while Adeste follows, hands barely together as he walks like he’s protecting his crotch!

Finally, the priest dismisses the congregation. Adeste is happy, and rearing to go. As the priest, altar servers and reader’s march down the aisle, Adeste follows, yet manages to greet the priest as the priest exits the church!

God will get me once again, this time for writing this blog!

Please remember my pals Joan and DD and all those who need our prayers.