ARTHUR STREET

My partner TLP (The Little Partner), Pam, and I have this inside joke when we do something dumb. It started when we were planning a trip for our business to Arthur Avenue, the other Little Italy as she calls it. Instead of calling it Arthur Avenue, she called it: “Arthur Street.” So whenever one of us screws up or makes a mistake we say we are on Arthur Street. Last month I moved onto Arthur Street and bought an apartment there!

It started out with TLW (The Little Woman) and I going out to dinner at a very popular restaurant in the neighborhood. There are a couple of them side by side. One is for ribs and one is for seafood. We decided we wanted seafood that night so off we went.

Arriving at the restaurant, the place was jamb-packed, with cars circling the parking lots to park. TLW decided that I would park the car while she would inquire about how long a wait it was. Off she went and I started to hunt for a space. Circling the parking lot three times, I decide to go the other way, around the building to look and sure enough, someone s leaving the restaurant with his famiy! Finally after about 10 minutes, I find a space, one of which I will fight to the death for if anyone tries to take it. I am right up front, next to the building! How much better than this can it be?

Hoping out of the car and feeling good, I thought of the Seinfeld episode where George Costanza finds a perfect spot in front of the hospital. That was me! Unfortunately, George had other incidents that were me.

I enter the restaurant looking for TLW and don’t find her. I think maybe she went to the ladies room. But instead I go to the waitress who is doing the seating and ask if she saw my wife. “I’m sorry sir, we have been so busy, I really don’t know, why don’t you just walk around the restaurant and look?” I think, how hard will this be, she will be looking for me and sitting alone waving to get my attention. I, was on the ball tonight, I, would figure this all out. Twice I circle the restaurant, and no TLW, I go back outside and look some more, still no TLW, so one more time I circle inside the restaurant. I’m starting to make friends in it when I realize that maybe she isn’t here. But something is bothering me. I couldn’t put my finger on it, then it started to sink in: I could smell bar-b-q sauce! In a fish restaurant??? I notice big old plates of ribs, but no one is eating fish! Hmmm, that’s strange! Then it hits me, I’m in the wrong restaurant!

Admonishment

I go off to the real restaurant and sure enough there is TLW, waiting for me outside the entrance. I need to gather my courage to tell her that I am a dumbass, which I discover is not difficult at all, since I have been telling her that for 40 years!

“Well, what happened to you?”
“I was in the wrong restaurant.”

“WHAT!?”

“I got confused and entered the wrong restaurant.”

“Oh! You always blame it on being confused, how can you go into the wrong restaurant?”

“Well after all that driving, then finally finding a parking space, I was so happy I found the space I just jumped out of the car and entered the first restaurant I came to!”

“I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone. You need to be held by the hand! How come you can go through New York City and not get lost, but take you out past your driveway and we all have to pray you come back?”

“I was on Arthur Street?”