Once she was severe, demanding and almost downright rude, and slowly, over the years she seemed to change. Not overnight, but gradually, like a flower that starts to bloom and then one day is opened to all its glory. And, like a flower, withered and died.
It was a shock at first, TLW (The Little Woman) informing me in a matter-of-fact way.
“Waldbaum’s is closing” she stated.
“What! Which one?”
“Try to stay with me, the one you go to.”
The implications were immediate, feeling like I was losing someone I trusted. I decided to go to Waldbaum’s one more time and say goodbye.
What used to be: “Place your item on the scale” became, “Hey you! Missed me?”
Yes, the self-checkout machine gal, whoever she was, was leaving. I had learned to appreciate her, to cherish and adore her even, and now she was leaving me.
I decided that to get over her, I needed to find another, and so I got in my car and went to my local Stop And Shop to try the self-checkouts and meet a nice new mechanical voice. What I got was the same cold, calculating and demanding voice that I once knew. But this one was devious: she was waiting for me. I was buying a almond croissant, (1) and placed it on the scanner. (I have yens for things when they smell fresh) and I thought I’d celebrate the past relationship and the beginning of what I hoped would be a new one.
“PLACE THE ITEM ON THE SCANNER.”
I do.
“TYPE IN THE ITEM CODE!”
“Ok I will, wait a minute, wait… this doesn’t have an item code!”
“TYPE IN THE ITEM CODE!”
I pull the item form the scanner.
“STEP AWAY FROM THE SCANNER”
Things go immediately bad: I’m in a place I don’t want to be in! It seems like alarms are going off, lights seem to be flashing and suddenly, the scanning Nazi comes over!
“Can I help you?”
“Yes, she wouldn’t let me buy the croissant! I pleaded.
“Ah! Are you on a diet, maybe a diabetic? You know vee haf vays af making you talk!”
She grabs the croissant and types in the code.
I finish the order and leave, thinking: That’s how the last one started out, and I changed her attitude.
2 comments:
Remember the days when the guy in Spinner's Supermatket used to add up your purchase with a pencil on the outside of a brown paper bag?
Yes! And sometimes he'd use either a red or black fat crayon!
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