HEY DUDE!

Friday was my son's senior class trip. It reminds me of my senior class trip when I was in high school. Now you have all seen the pictures and have taken part in these trips, usually to Washington, D.C. Usually a class picture is taken in front of the Capitol with the dome showing in the background, with you in there somewhere.

My class trip was to a phony “Dude Ranch” in up-state New York that we went to on a yellow bus for the day. (It might have been in Westchester County) We saw: fake cowboys, horses that should have pulled milk wagons that we were suppose to ride, and oddly, a lot of milk wagons. They had a huge barn, very neatly laid out with nothing in it except hay on the ground. We were lined up as prisoners would be, and assigned a horse, which I was introduced to. My “Horse” was named “Apache,” which scared the hell out of me since I was never on a horse up to that point. It was a buff and white small horse or large dog with a saddle. The horse was suffering from spring fever and wanted the Friday off. I held my breath then got on. We were led out of the barn and along this trail that led to the barn. I don't know HOW they did that, but they did. Along the way, my faithful companion and horse Apache would rub along the trees to try to knock me off! I guess Apache came from another country that didn't speak English, because this stupid horse would not listen to me. “Stop” went unheeded, “Go” went unnoticed, the dumb horse would not listen. So I decided to elaborate a little when I spoke. “Stop you dumb ass” and “go you glue bucket” did not inspire Apache.

Finally when we got back to the barn I asked when the next bus or train left for Bellport, but kimosabe the head “cowboy” says “hold on there partner, we're having a real cowboy lunch, don't you want to take part in it?” I thought, “that must mean bar-b-q spare ribs, steaks and roasted pig. I was close; it was baked chicken.

Now you ask about the class photo do you? Well we couldn't take one because there was so much horse shit laying around that we couldn't get everyone in the picture without half of us standing in it.