The sun shone in all it’s glory yesterday. Yesterday was a day of goodbye, a sad day for me, and sadder still for Paul. Paul was a good friend with developmental disabilities. We stopped saying “mental retardation”, and masked it with developmental disabilities. My daughter Ellen has developmental disabilities, and yet it still doesn’t make her parents feel any better.
Paul came into this world with less than nothing, and left with more than he realized. As I entered the funeral home, I was astonished to find all the wonderful caretakers of Paul’s. Paul was 52, and had more friends than I imagined would be there. I couldn’t tell you all the people’s names, because their hearts were in the way.
Paul had no family to speak of. There is a surviving brother, whom I hear is a Suffolk County Police Officer. Paul’s brother couldn’t make it.
The deputy executive director, head nurse of the agency, Paul’s caseworker, a fellow board member and co-chair of the Guardianship committee, of which I am the other, was there. Paul’s cook and another nurse, and a group of wonderful women who cared for Paul were there also.
The world only gave Paul 2 hours to say “goodbye”. Then Paul was removed like a piece of furniture and put in a Hurst, to be deposited into the ground. There was no priest or preacher or rabbi to pray over his final resting place. There was no rite of passage into the other side.
As we entered the cemetery, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful the day was! Warm, the sun was leaving a golden light, one that made one feel glad to be alive! Even the statues of saints and angels seemed to be singing in some holy harmonic single voice. Yet only a handful of people stood at Paul’s final resting place. No one had any final words in which to remember him by. So, I stood forward and remembered. I told of his life being deceptive. I told of his life being unpredictable. I mentioned how surprised we all were when we heard stories, stories that shocked and sent chills up our collective spines, stories that made us laugh and cry. Somehow, he was reminding us he was a human.
When Paul was just brought to his home, and living there a very short while, a young woman was moved into the same home. The young woman’s mother was distraught over the change in lives. Paul was observing all this, and got up and walked over to the young woman, and planted a kiss on her cheek. The mother was taken aback and asked: “Who is that, that just kissed my daughter?” The day care person gave Paul’s full name, and the mother almost fainted. “Why he used to play with my daughter when they were young!” said the mother.
Yes, Paul’s life was deceptive. He lived like a human. How could he? He had mental development problems!
Have you ever wondered where God is? Did you ever question how God could allow the things that happen to people happen, and not stop it? I used to. Then one day it hit me, right between the eyes! It’s not God’s fault. It’s our fault. God put us all on this earth to do his work. How we are born is our luck, what happens to our lives, what we do to each other, is our fault. Yet, God is the escape goat. You know what an escape goat is? That is the goat, of poor quality, slow to run that we allow to be eaten so the wolf can overtake it, then the wolf won’t catch up with the healthy goats. So we blame God, he won’t argue or contradict us. Just think, we weren’t all born rich, or poor, or even of the same intelligence. We need each other.
I saw the faces of some of the people that did all they could for Paul. They fought with the State, the hospital, nursing homes, all on Paul’s behalf. In Paul’s mental deficiency, the greatest moment in humanity occurred. People stood up for Paul, loved him, and gave him what he deserved, his dignity. Yes, we even stopped traffic for Paul. But faces, should not be let down, or sculpted in utter defeat. No, instead we should celebrate a mission accomplished, be proud of those faces, lift them up and say: “Congratulations, Paul leaves this world in dignity, and humanity has not failed him. As Paul lies in his grave in the years to come, each one of us, one-by-one, will die too. When we do, we will each become Paul’s equal.
Goodbye, Paul.
Please remember all those that need our hopes and prayers, including MMB (My Man Bill) and my brother-in-law, John.
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