THE TAX MAN SAYETH

I was having lunch with an old buddy of mine recently, and we decided we would go to a Chinese restaurant. Bill my friend has a lot of dietary issues, one of which is garlic and onions. He can’t eat them! So, we go to one of those restaurants that have a buffet, and watch all the overweight people fill their plates until their wrists hurt from carrying them. I, too have hurtful wrists! There he can control better what he eats, avoiding the garlic and onion dishes, which is mostly soups and rice or noodles.Bill is also an IRS agent. He tells me stories of people who don’t pay their taxes, get letters from him then challenge him on the phone. He never loses. He thoroughly enjoys himself, and laughs at the lack of intelligence that is out there. He wields a lot of power from his desk.

One story he told me was about a man who disputed that he owed the IRS $75. Bill took his call, and the man was adamant and rude. But Bill, never losing his cool, said he would investigate the man’s claim. A week later Bill called the man back and said: “You’re right, we did make a mistake!” The man had triumph in his voice. “You mean I don’t owe the IRS $75!” “Yes”, said Bill, “We made an awful mistake, you owe $7,500!”

Anyway, being the taxman he is, he watched as I opened my fortune cookie, which had the little fortune for me to read aloud to Bill.

It read: “They will be grateful that you cared enough to make it.”

I looked at Bill and asked incredulously: “What the hell does that mean?”

“Joe,” he said without missing a beat, “They’re talking about your heirs.”