I NEVER FORGET

It was a warm sunny day 22 years ago, probably the kind of day Dad would have preferred if he had the choice. It was the beginning of the rest of my life, and the end of his. I had been awakened by a knock on the front door by my brother-in-law John, with the news that Dad, who had been suffering from lung cancer, had given up his long hard fight.

I drove to Mom’s house now, and there he was where he fell, and the coroner was waiting for me to show up to say goodbye. I found him in the hallway, and so I knelt down and kissed him on his forehead and said my farewell.

Having been with Dad for just about everything in my life, my schooling, jobs and even my plans, he left an impression on me that has lasted to this day. I can still remember every nuance, every phrase and every quirk he had, he was an interesting man. He was a teacher without a degree, a confessor without a confessional, and a friend without the familiarity of friendship, he was after all: Dad.

He was always an underdog, and cared for his fellow underdogs. He worked with the common man and taught me to be mindful of their plight, to help where I could, to reach out to the poor and respect everyone.

He read the New York Daily News, smoked and worked hard, things that seemed all unrelated yet weren’t, because they made up who he was, and in part who I am today. I have a subscription to the News for the sports quit smoking long ago, worked hard for years, just like dad wanted.

So I will visit his grave today, talk to him like I already do, and deep down in my heart wish everything was like it used to be but isn’t. I don’t know how perfect he was, I never measured him against other fathers, just against the need for a father, and he was there as best he could be. He made mistakes, but so do I as a father, but he was always there for us, and I try to always be there for my kids.

So Thank You Dad, you are missed, not forgotten, and still loved by all your children. You always made us laugh, sometimes at your expense, sometimes at ours, but we laughed with love and respect.

In Memory

© Kimberly N. Chastain

A thousand times we needed you
A thousand times we cried
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died
A heart of gold stopped beating
two twinkling eyes closed to rest
God broke our hearts to prove 

he only took the best
never a day goes by that you’re 

not in my heart and my soul.