IT NEVER FAILS

You want something that shouldn’t be great shakes, and you don’t get it because someone is incompetent.

Last Saturday we took a drive out east, towards the North Shore. As I drove along Old Country Road in Riverhead, TLW (The Little Woman) pointed out a restaurant that she wanted to try called: ‘Joe’s Crab Shack.’ She was hungry, and although I had another place in mind called the Lobster Shanty, I figured what’s the difference between a shack and a shanty anyway.

I know it made this Joe crabby.

We pull into the parking lot of a huge shopping center and enter the place, and immediately the trouble began.

As we entered I noticed a young lady and a young man standing in the lobby chatting, obvious employees of the joint since their attire mentioned it. It was a non-business conversation designed to kill time and avoid work. The young lady behind the entrance stand greeted us and grabbed some menus. Since I have a bad back, I asked for a booth and although she was accommodating, a worried look crossed her face. Dozens of waitresses and waiters running around, she couldn’t find anyone to escort us to a booth immediately. Waving frantically and tip toeing up and down the aisle she finally finds the lobby girl and grabs her.

Arriving at our table a young waitress comes over and takes two of the three menus we were each handed and begins to give us a run down using the menu as a demo. Pointing out different things on the menu, including her favorite that happened to be the most expensive! Taking the next menu she begins her instructions as if it was a fine piece of German engineering, that needed to be respected and handled correctly.

“You should ONLY use this menu for desserts, and ONLY here in this section. You may also order drinks from here and also non-alcoholic beverages. Finally she picks up the last menu, for “THIS is for our specialties, you may order from here as well!, pointing out other favorites and bargains at $44 a plate for lunch.

I wish the staff would egt back to work!

She leaves and we begin the process of trying to figure out from a massive menu what to order. Many dishes sound the same but with a twist, leaving a customer frustrated and confused, taking about 20 minutes for each of us to make up our mind!

The waitress returns and points out that two lit spheres in the ceiling are now turning which mean a two minute warning is in effect. Thinking that it is to evacuate she continues: all the wait staff will do a dance for one minute. WHY?

They dance and afterward we give our order, she takes it and decides to strike up a conversation about herself, then leaves us. At 5-minute intervals, she goes by our table and smiles, this going on for about half an hour to 45 minutes. She decides to stop by and talk some more. I get the feeling that things are being stalled for some reason. I mention to TLW that the food is taking a long time.

The waitress ‘Tara’ comes by one more time and I ask her to see why our order hasn’t arrived yet. She comes back with the order book and confirms what we ordered, Still no order, I am getting ‘CRABBY’ in Joe’s Crab Shack! The lights start to do their thing again and the stupid dance begins again. I try not to get mad, but I notice my fuse is short. (Please, no jokes)

Suddenly after a half hour, TLW’s meal comes. Mine is nowhere to be seen. Trying to defuse a potentially toxic situation, I am asked to try TLW’s crab cake. It tastes fine but is in the border of going cold. 20 minutes into her meal I call over the waitress. “Can you tell me why it is taking so long?” I inquire. She tells me that the couple across the way from me ordered the same thing and they are getting angry also. Other tables are now complaining and asking for the manager, as I now do.

Tara goes off to find the manger and comes back empty handed. “I can’t find her!” she says. “I’ll look some more.” Finally while the manager appears at the other couple’s table, whole tables are leaving in disgust! People are complaining and now it is my turn. I lace it into the manager who seems to be unaware that she has serious problems, goes into the back where the kitchen is and finally appears with my food and offers us a coupon for one free appetizer for our next visit. Fat chance sister!

This is by far the worst restaurant experience I have ever had. The noise level is way over the top, the meaningless dancing is just that, an epidemic of dissatisfied customers was like a plague running through the establishment, the staff is not attentive and the food was good.

Joe’s Crab Shack should shut down!

I asked the waitress Tara how long the place has been open, she said: “Since Thursday.”

They even have a stupid slogan on the back of the service shirts: "Peace, love and Crabs"

As we were leaving the place a line was building and as they were waiting to get in, I wanted to tell them the wait for their food would be even longer!