DelBloggolo: BANG, BOOM AND OTHER TRICKS OF THE TRADE

Monday, May 18, 2015

BANG, BOOM AND OTHER TRICKS OF THE TRADE

Every morning while at the gym, I walk the walk, the treadmill that is. I usually go downstairs to a movie room where there are treadmills, stair-masters and other forms of self-torture. I do this for 20 minutes and get in a decent workout, even breaking a sweat. I could go elsewhere in the gym for the treadmill, but watching a movie helps the time move along quickly.

The movie however is an issue as far as I’m concerned, since it seems to be the same old thing: ‘bang, boom and kapow’ all done in special effects. The young ladies are more daring than they have ever been in the cinema, sexually provocative and down right gorgeous, yet so athletic they make the leading men look like sissies! And then there are the special effects, what the movie is really all about. Special effects are so common now they aren’t special anymore.

In the old days, you went to a movie to see a story about something historical, hysterical or because you loved and appreciated the art of acting by certain screen stars. There was glamour and intrigue, but that is disappearing rapidly today. You go to the movies because of the mind numbing special effects, outrageously inhuman and impossible in real life, relating only to someone else’s fantasy, and no reality in sight. It is becoming boring. Where has all the talent gone?

I watch old movies to get a flavor of the times when the movie was supposed to depict a certain time in history. An apartment decorated in the 1930’s or 40’s, the social mores and habits of the day. Smoking was an acceptable social function, kissing was for the special girl and there was sexual tension without the sex. The story line was the important thing: there were NO special effects. I can’t always say the acting was of the uppermost quality, but there were some really fine actors out there, Bacall, Bogart, and even down to Tom Hanks, and one of my newly all-time favorites, Jim Parsons.

I have had the pleasure to watch Jim Parsons on stage, screen and TV and if you do too, you see what a master he really is. He has brought out the classics as well as the social injustices that lay in the path of real freedom and happiness for some people. He is a giant among the many midgets who can’t act but do get blown up pretty well, have no dialogue of substance but the ‘F’ word, and this is their reality.

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it.” The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch.” The man perks up at this. “So,” the doctor says, “it's for you to decide how many inches you want, but it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.” The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. “So,” says the doctor, “have you spoken with your wife?” “I have,” says the man. “And has she helped you in making the decision?” asked the doctor. “She has,” says the man. “And what is it?” asks the doctor. “We're getting a new kitchen.”