Yes, all my married life I took care of it. It started one morning early on in life. We were living in our little apartment, the three of us, me the new bride, and the spider. Now the spider lived on the ceiling, and I didn’t know it until one morning as I rushed around the apartment to get ready for work and to catch a train.
The Little Woman didn’t work in those days, and was still in bed, as I scurried to find my keys. I kissed her goodbye, and mentioned the spider. The spider was a harmless house spider, fat with spindle legs that rarely moved.
That evening I came home from work, and there on the wall stood the spider, still alive and uncrushed if you will.
“I don’t kill spiders, that’s your job,” says the Little Woman. Where is the marriage contract, and where in the contract does it stipulate my jobs thinks I.
Well yesterday, while I was still looking for the wedding contract between innings, the Little Woman required my presence in the shed. I thought, “Good, I can look in the shed for the contract”. On our way out she turns her head and points in the opposite direction, and says “There’s a dead bird over there!” Here, every spring a bird comes to die. Yes, I own a bird cemetery. This year it is a crow, laying on it’s back dead as dead came be. As we are done in the shed, moving things around so the pool man can come to open my pool, I mention that I needed a bag to contain the dead bird. The Little Woman ran inside and got a large lawn bag made from plastic. As I held the bird on my shovel, the Little Woman was holding the bag at arm’s length, with her fanny sticking way out, looking in an altogether other direction than the business at hand, opening the bag.
We have lived with mouse traps, bees and God knows what else, and she has always sent me to take care of it.
There are untold hundreds of incidents in the last 35 years just like those I described, and I can’t believe that the Little Woman is the only person I am afraid of in all those years!
If I ever find that marriage contract, I’m going to change a few things.
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