SHE’S AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE

A few nights ago the Little Woman and I had to attend a function, and decided to meet after work for a bite beforehand. The chosen rendezvous was a soup and sandwich place, very popular with the old yuppie crowd. I say “old” because they have grown older, and still cling to their annoying little habits of breathing. I should really call them guppies now for growing older the “G” for grown.

Up on a wall behind the counter, is a huge menu board, that is so big, it is hard to read it all because of the expanse. Being on a diet, I know I will take the opportunity to again find an excuse to go off it, but before I surrender, I need to fire at least one shot, then give up the ship. I pretend first by looking at the salads offered, as I converse with the Little Woman, and can’t decide. Oh, well, I guess it will have to be something delicious for a change. For your edification, I have been married to the Little Woman for 35 years on the 19th of this month, and have still not learned.

NEVER, EVER, TURN YOUR BACK ON THE LITTLE WOMAN WHEN TALKING TO HER IN PUBLIC PLACES.

There, I said it.

“Why?” do you ask?

Because she is not around, THAT”S WHY!

She has either stopped along the way, or wandered off somewhere.

And what am I doing do you ask?

Well, continuing my conversation with the open space around me, while people start to cross the street to avoid the nut talking to himself. You will find me walking maybe a quarter of a mile, with a conversation going on, sometimes very animated.

Last evening was no different.

Fortunately, there were two very nice and understanding ladies who happened to appear behind me, while the young lady behind the counter, as disinterested as she was, watched, waiting for my order.

When I turned around, the Little Woman was gone! Disappeared into thin air! Vanished, as were all my dignity as I became amazed that she WAS gone, and I asked the young lady behind the counter, as disinterested as she was, waiting for my order, where did my wife go? I suddenly see the two ladies behind me for the first time, and search, looking around the place. I look at the ladies; they look at me, and point far away, where the Little Woman was standing, reading a printed menu! “Oh, don’t feel bad, my husband never talks to me either,” says one of the ladies.

One of these days, the Little Woman is going to get such a shot…