BEING A BOARD MEMBER REQUIRES NO HEAVY LIFTING

I happen to be a member of a Board of Directors. Being how my Daughter Ellen is in two of the programs for the Association for the Help of Retarded Children, I felt I should volunteer my time and little talents I really do have, and help them to raise money and do whatever else I can. The only reason I got on the Board was they were looking for a warm body, and when they lifted my eyelids one of them said, “He’s still alive, let’s make him a member.”

Every month, on the last Tuesday of the month we meet as a board that is comprised primarily of parents, business and medical people. Sitting around a very long table that holds over 30 people, we listen to the Executive Director give us a summary or report that we then comment on. Around the table are some very interesting characters.

1. Retired person – Takes his/her time in asking a question or making a comment, no matter how late it is, while my stomach is saying to me “hey, you haven’t eaten since noon, don’t you wish he/she would shut up?”

2. Medical field person – Likes to give a medical opinion or some medical assessment, likes to talk, knows plenty you don’t and is going to repeat him/her self. Meanwhile my stomach is still in deep conversation with me.

3. Insurance person – Knows insurance, what is our liability insurance in this matter, and here’s what happens a lot “In these cases.” Stomach now in conference with my backside that has been sitting for over three hours. They may issue a joint statement soon.

4. Parent – Gets angry, demands to know more when there is no more to know. Generally has had a very good dinner, and you can tell this just by looking at him/her.

5. Older Board member, never left the room in 30 years on the Board, eats paper, or rather last month’s minutes, and has the attitude that there is nothing you can tell him/her, they know more than the Executive Director, and wants to understand better, item 14a of the monthly financial report’s increase of paper clips by .125% in the past month.

6. Banker – Has read the financial report, could care less, but if you put it all in his/her bank, it would “yield” some really great numbers. As a matter of life policy, will not eat, and never did.

Now no Board member ever asks for permission to speak, we just blurt out what’s on our minds, except for any former Catholic School students, who always raise their hand, shake it wildly and sometimes go ooh, ooh.