MONICA LEWINSKY

Ah, if we didn’t have enough scandal in today’s political arena, we now need to drag it out of the old pile in the back of the closet. That household name of propriety and decorum in all things presidential, Monica Lewinsky is back!

Actually I grew attached to Bubba when his troubles began under his Presidential desk so many years ago, and he made a very important contribution to presidential lore. We as the American public are now more vigilant when it comes to presidential impropriety, and thanks to Bubba, we have a benchmark.

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl-to-girl talks, and Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."

Janet responded, "Just because I am esthetically challenged (that's "politically correct" for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."

Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?"

Janet, "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can."

That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was ready for him.

She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Bill rolls over and says, "Janet, is that you?"

President Kennedy probably set the record for infidelity wrapped in stars and stripes, but in those days the press didn’t give much to the public. He may have set the standards that Bubba tried to achieve. What Bubba couldn’t catch up with in women, he set in burgers, and so it went. Don’t forget: JFK had so many he needed his brother Bobby to help manage the flow of satisfaction. Pretty disgusting.

Of course there was FDR, and his extracurricular activities although limited to a wheel chair, did manage a very tidy affair, even having Eleanor’s cooperation, since she had a little something on the side too.

Who will ever forget LBJ, and the ‘Great Society’, pride in his prowess to conquer and claim in the name of the U.S. Senate and America!

Since today they are all crooks, the only way one hopes to get ride of a President is if he has an affair, and has it all tapped. Investigators would want to see some er… ‘hard’ evidence to convict and impeach him. They had Bubba on the ropes but couldn’t bring it home with: just a seamen stained polka dot blue dress!

But I’m not here to disparage past presidents, no I am hear to welcome back the scandals, which make for great reading with no surprises.