ATTENTION THIRD WORLD SHOPPERS… (OOPS

TLW (The Little Woman) and I decided to begin a new quest to spend down my financial security. She wanted to buy a new coffee table for the den, and thought Ikea was the place to look.

Fending off the crowds of people and herds of off-spring that make up the clientele at Ikea is a major job! The most astonishing thing was the fact that with all the chatter that goes on, NO ONE SPEAKS ENGLISH! I overheard a sales clerk with an Asian sounding accent trying to explain to a Spanish-speaking lady about a product she was holding in her hand. Both looked confused, with the sales clerk looking a little exasperated also. The joyous little children were screaming at the top pf their lungs in Espanola as they played on the shopping carts, and a little guy with a big head about 40 years old, shorter than TLW was running around the store, kicking the bottom of beds and looking at his watch! I thought that maybe he thinks he’s in a car show room. We were going to ask where the coffee tables were but were afraid that we wouldn’t be understood.

After looking at some tables and deciding nothing works for us, TLW got hungry and decided we should eat in the Ikea Café, a trendy little spot on the second floor, featuring good old Norse fare just like Mom used to make. Salmon, cucumber and shrimp dishes, all in dill, with Swedish meatballs and sour cream pervaded one’s eye and appetite. The people behind the counter selling and preparing the food were your typical Swedes: short, black hair and speaking Spanish.

A very tall blond fellow, sporting a huge smile that said: “Ya-this is good to eat, just like Sveden” was triumphantly carrying his tray of Swedish meatballs, salmon and sliced cucumber to a table.

Among the multitude of diners was a Chinese lady imbibing upon a concoction that Sven would envy. I thought it strange that there was an announcement that stated that: “Attention Third World Shoppers: If you purchase more than $100 in merchandise, Ikea will validate your green card or passport!”