AH! CHOCOLATE!

The other night, TLW (The Little Woman) came home from her class that she teaches for 2nd graders on religion. In her hands was a gift bag, decorated with hearts! This could only mean one thing; she got presents from the parents of the kids she teaches! That means somewhere in there is chocolate! Yes, chocolate!!!

I’ve been blessed: TLW doesn’t care for chocolate! I am the only one in the house besides her. You do the math.

Ceremoniously, she starts in by taking out the cards. Oh, she has to read the cards, thanking her for being a good teacher. This is the opening shot across my bow. It says:
“Hah hah, I got presents and YOU don’t.”

This is not childish: this is deliberate cruelty to my humble, pointless being. I don’t get presents unless I send them to me. (When I do, I don’t put postage on them and they get returned to sender.)

Then she takes out the presents, one at a time. She makes piles, one for stuff she will keep, one that gets stored so someday she can toss it, and then there is the pity pile. That’s mine! In the pity pile is chocolate. I get the chocolate, AFTER I look needy. I can look very needy for chocolate.

I do a lot of work for her classes. Every year I have to photograph about 26 classes for a poster I make. Then I have to make about 10 to 12 books a year for her class, one for each kid she teaches, a front and back cover, then a inside front and back cover, for each kid. But she gets the presents!

“OOOH! Chocolate! You know I should get the chocolate because of all the work I do for you!”

“Hmmm… OK, you can have them, but first: who’s your momma?”

“You’re my momma”

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!”

“YOU”RE MY MOMMA!”

“Good boy, now beg.”

(Hey, I happen to like chocolate!)

“You want me to bark too?”