HOLY KALULA!

My good buddy Jan from my old haunt at PCH sent me this in the form of an email!
My baby sister MaryAnn, an airline attendant will appreciate it.


Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself
too seriously.
Check out their new livery!


Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg .

Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight
"safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

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On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit
where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time
choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're
not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"


---o0o---

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the
pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude
and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort
and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."


----o0o---


On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of
your belongings.
"If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something
we'd like to have."


----o0o---

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4
ways out of this airplane."

---o0o---

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the
business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

---o0o---

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a
lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

---o0o---

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the
Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care
when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing
like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

---o0o---

From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port
Elizabeth.
To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle,
and pull tight.
It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know
how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."

---o0o---

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull
it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you,
secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling
with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

---o0o---

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,
but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula
Airlines."

----o0o---


"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of
an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them
with our compliments."

---o0o---

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."

---o0o---

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is
pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants
in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

---o0o---

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town :
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite
a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it
wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't
the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

---o0o---

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly
windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really
had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City.
Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

---o0o---

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us
to the terminal."

---o0o---

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a
policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while
the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying
our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had
a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that
someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady
walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a
question? Did we land, or were we shot down?"

---o0o---

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant
came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats
until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a
screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has
cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door
and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

---o0o---

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to
thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you
get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a
pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

---o0o---

Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to
smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you
can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

---o0o---

A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement
over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain
speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to
Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore,
we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and
relax...OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few
minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies
and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.
While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally
spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of
my pants!"

A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back
of mine!"