NOOOOOOOO!

Yes, dear!

And that in a nutshell was the conversation betwixt moi and TLW (The Little Woman)!

It all started when we discovered we needed a new patio door.

TLW: “Joe, we need a new patio door!”
That was the first hint, next came the fact that the door was falling apart!

Off we go to Home Depot, the land of expense and noise. As we enter the section for patio doors, I saw an opportunity to make a little mischief, and did not waste a moment. Standing in front of me is a door that I know TLW would not go for.

Moi: “OOOH, that’s a nice door!”
TLW: Waving her hands horizontally, like the second base umpire signaling a steal of second base, but yelling: NOOOOOOOO!
That her eyes were popping, her hands frantically waving, or her voice rising above the din of the warehouse did not stop me from pretending I was surprised.

Moi: “Why, what’s wrong?”
TLW: “We are NOT buying that type of door, we will get the replacements for the existing door only.
Moi: “Yes, dear.” (What a sissy I am with her! A real man would have made a little fuss before giving in.)

We happened to find a salesman, hiding behind a stack of paint buckets, keeping his head down, but he was too tall.

Me: (We are back to English) “Sir, can you help us?” Turns out he can!

We speak customer speak, and he punches in a few keys and finds what we want. That is always good news: the bad news is he only stocks half of what we want. The patio door is a slide version: that means one side is stationary and one door slides. He only has a stationary door in stock, one that normally sells for over $400, which he has for $85! Punching in some more keys he sends us to another store to get the balance for $85 also! What should have been well over $800 is less that $175!

We go to another Home Depot, and enter the department, where an elderly, sour looking gentleman is sitting. TLW speaks up first. (What did you expect?) He looks at us with a troubled look on his face, creating more wrinkles than a wet bed sheet on his face. I whisper to TLW: “This looks like trouble!”

Reluctantly he rises from his chair and saunters off, and we follow. Looking up into the stock he feigns confusion. Just then another salesman shows up! God must have been shopping there at Home Depot that day, because he immediately finds what we want, and says: “There it is, see, number 87528737, second one from the left!”

Grouchy: “Yeah, but it had the wrong skid number!”
God’s Helper: But the number is correct!”
Grouchy: But the WRONG skid number!

TLW: “How much?”
Grouchy: $85!

WE, that is: TLW and Moi (French returns, this is a special occasion!), fly out the store. WE, after 39 years have found a real bargain!

WE will go to sleep that night waiting for the call to come. You know the call, where they inform you that the price they gave us was incorrect and we better return the merchandise or else!