LET THE CHILDREN COME UNTO HER…

Because I want to take a nap!

TLW (The Little Woman) is all in a titter when #1 Son and TLC, (The Lovely Courtney) pays us a visit. It usually means work.

For me!

I mean I like the kid, but couldn’t she ask HIM to dust? I mean it is because he is coming home. And it’s not like we DON’T dust, we are just a little less apt to find EVERY nick and cranny there is in the house. Then there is dinner. Ah, my favorite pastime is to eat and when we get company, I am asked to cook. Why? Well, for one thing, TLW hates to cook, is an excellent cook and I love to cook, so she feels I should do it.

I love to watch pretty girls, but she NEVER let’s me do THAT!

Anyway, she is wearing me out, and will soon find me left for dead! I’ve become a real ‘Susie spotless’ and Betty Crocker all in one! (Plus, I’m retaining water again!)

But when TLW decides to clean, it is a sacred mission, done in the wee hours of the morning, taking apart and dismantling everything, including me! Windows become miraculously shined and little crevices in door tracks are suddenly clear, all while having a cup of coffee. Have you ever seen a tornado on the TV coming at the camera? Well when this old girl touches down, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is up in the air and swirling about, and believe me, I don’t necessarily land in Kansas!

I could be standing at the bathroom sink, brushing my teeth, she will knock, take the toothbrush, do a baseboard heater with it, return it to me and go on her way to something else!

My feeling is: if no one sees it, you don’t have to dust it! Put all dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and try to remember, (really try) to put suds in and turn it on!

I found out early on in our marriage, you have to lift up EVERY object on a table, and dust them too! This is a little disconcerting since we have a lot of crap. The agency once sent me a letter telling me I was getting an award, and I realized what that would mean. I tried to turn them down, but they insisted, claiming: “Look, we have enough to dust as it is, at least take some of it for God’s sake!”

They’ve been getting away with now for years.

I’ve decided to leave the woman, if #1 Son calls again and says he’s coming!