SOME DAYS IT DOESN’T PAY TO GET UP!

One morning this week I was called upon by Mom to get her a gift card for her boy toy, and a birthday card.

“Make sure it is a religious card, we exchange religious cards.”

I pour a thermos of coffee and out I go to the card store, but decide first to get a bagel to go with my coffee. I buy the buttered bagel and take a sip of coffee when suddenly the coffee is escaping from under the lid onto my shirt. I have to drive back home and change my shirt!

TLW (The Little Woman) is leaving for the Wanna-Be-Bank & Truss Co. and is in her car as I start to come out, carrying a new thermos of coffee in my left hand while opening the screen door and with my right hand reaching behind the front door to lock it. My left hand fumbles and the coffee shoots out of the thermos and onto the glass storm door! I have to now go back and get a sponge and clean the glass.

In I go, get the sponge and wipe it clean toss the sponge back into the sink and go out again and notice TLW wasn’t leaving yet. Squinting into the sun I see she is laughing at me, and as I approach her car she rolls down her window but can’t get the words out from laughing at me.

Ignoring her fun, I go to the card store and start to read cards for Mom’s boy toy. I can’t find a religious card! No one is religious when it comes to birthdays. Funny, obscene, corny, but no religious cards are the only themes available. I settle on a card and hope she doesn’t send me out again.

I arrive at Mom’s house and she is waiting for me at the door.

Entering the house I hand her the card.

“Oh! She reads OH! She smiles. OH, This is very nice, where is my religious card?

“Ma, there are no religious birthday cards!”

She squnches her fingers together and says:

“What’s coming to this world?”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her about Palm Sunday and me.