UNRAVELED

Going through the airport detectors is an ordeal for me: I psychologically hate it. The Homeland Security people are very bossy, and I would tell them to go to hell except I need a ride.

Since that moron Reed tried to blow up his shoes one day while on board a plane, we take off our shoes, belt and metal and everything gets deposited into a tray. The trays become a hindrance because everyone uses more than one for coats, computers and small metal objects. Someday I’m going to be good and disgusted and go through in a bathing suit, just to annoy them.

Then you stand in the center of the scanner like a can of peaches and you raise your arms like you are indeed surrendering as they check out your stature. You wonder how long this will go on as you stand there and what are they looking at?

Meanwhile some camel jockey who will never leave the dessert because he can’t stand to leave his beloved sheep is laughing himself silly because the U.S.A. and the rest of the world is doing this to themselves!

I take off my belt, my shoes, empty out the computer take off my jacket, scrambling to move along tossing stuff left and right, holding my ticket in my mouth, standing on the foot prints as I am asked to, raising the arms over the head, then going to the other side, sweating, looking for my shoes, where is my wallet, get that belt don’t want to drop my pants here without a good cause, find my wallet, where the hell is the computer, can I go now, is there something they think they found, will my blood pressure exceed normal limits, I think I’ll scream and go postal on them, find a chair to put my shoes back on, where is TLW (The Little Woman)?

There standing patiently waiting for me is TLW! All ready and set to go! God I’m starting to dislike her.

“The trouble is you wear shoes that need to be tied, I wear loafers!” she proudly yells loud enough to hear at our destination, as well as the present location.

As I walk I dress, securing the belt, and since it is 5:30 AM, starting to want coffee really bad, hunger is taking over and I’m sleepy, trying to dress. There is no one at the airport that I can see except us, yet when we get to our gate, the whole world is encamped in every seat with coffee I don’t know where they got it, buns, donuts, egg sandwiches and laptops opened! Some are perusing there I-pads or I-phones, flipping their index finger to check their texted messages that MUST be very important that they need to read them at 5:30 am!

UGH!