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The instructions were clear, coming from my by sister Nippy.
She had the job of picking out the music for the funeral Mass of my
brother-in-law John, and the two readings. The first reading was assigned to my
brother-in-law Tom, from the Book of Wisdom, and the second reading for me was
the Acts of the Apostles.
“You Have the second reading, here is a copy of it and don’t
screw it up.”
“OK.” Tom gives me a strut because he has the Book of
Wisdom. I ask: “How many words are in his reading and how many in mine?”
The day at the Mass, the moderator announces that Tom, will
read the first reading. Tom reads and fine job he did in his Connecticut accent
while all my New York relatives think its’ in Polish, not Connecticuteese.
They do a little music and I get up to do my reading. TLW
(The Little Woman) puts her arm on mine and tries to stop me. It works and I
ask what’s wrong. “They didn’t announce you yet!” she says. “Oh” I say, and
wait a few seconds, wondering if the ‘announcer’ is sick, has Alzheimer’s or is
just messing with my head. I get out and scoot over to the aisle and the Priest
just goes on with the Mass, cutting out my debut as a religious fanatic.
I am mad at TLW for stopping me. The Priest is now giving a
sermon about ‘Ever-lasting life’ and I think: “Not for TLW if I have my way.”
But reason prevails and I realize she was doing me a favor, I could have
embarrassed myself, and she was trying to prevent that, (A good woman)
I get through the service and we head to my niece’s house
for the family get-together and Tess my older sister (Much older) says: “What
happened? You screwed up! I try to explain and she cuts me off saying: “WHY CAN’T
PEOPLE ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHEN THEY SCREW UP?” This is of course an
attempt to tweak my nose and bust my chops as Nippy admits the organist,
narrator and Town Crier all screwed up, not me. But for the rest of the day,
Tess, my older sister (Much older) makes ME wear the mantle of shame. I going
to have to have a word with the Pope.
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