MOTHER TLW

Mother TLW

The other night at dinner I got an ear full. It seems that TLW (The Little

Woman), as part of her job teaching little heathens the way of God, has to also attend the rite of First Holy Communion.

It is up to her to police the aisles of the church, discouraging parents from taking pictures during the ceremony and making sure the little second graders don’t smoke during Father’s sermon.

As I eyed my chicken with mustard sauce, TLW began.

“Now these parents come in 20 minutes to a half hour late, during Father’s sermon! And they parade down the center aisle as Father is giving his sermon!”

Me: “Well some of them sleep late.”

“And I’m suppose to stop them! I’m suppose to stick my hand out and say: NO! Some of them just get up during the ceremony and got to the toilet! One woman got up twice with her kid, sitting in the third row!”

Me: “Sometimes ya gotta be tough!”

“And they have these big long lenses and they stand up blocking everyone’s view behind them while taking pictures!”

I shave for dinner every night!

Me: “Probably with a big tuckis too!”

“And I’m suppose to tell them they can’t take pictures! Oh! The long lens: sticking it out there, swiveling and what not. You’d think I was a nun!”

Me: “Well I KNOW how that goes!”

“Yes you do, you remember when the nun yelled at you for taking a picture after she told you not to.”

Me: “Yes, one of my prouder moments!”

“Next year is my final year, I’m retiring. I always said after 20 years I’m gone.”

Me: “That is longer than most popes last!”

“Then this father came up to me: he was the father of my worst behavioral student and shook my hand, thanking me for helping his son! Then there was this old Italian man, who stopped me.”

Me: “An old Italian man stopped you?”

Old Italian Man

“Yes, to complain. He saw a crying room and said: ‘Why you no tella the parents there was a crying room? Then we wouldn’t have a all those crying, noisy brats. I tella you why, becausea you were afraid, that’sa why.’ Sure, I’m a policeman, teacher and nun standing on my swollen feet from California!”

Me: “Well I’m sure Jesus still loves you!”